Friday, August 20, 2010

For anyone that has lost at love, please give solid advice . . . .?

My husband and I were together 18 years. Last March he texted me goodbye while I was at work. Later on we communicated through texting and he said that it should not have been a surprise because I did tell him if he was not happy he should leave. During that time he was unemployed and I was working a lot. During the day he would communicate with his new found ';female'; friend on facebook. She would tell him that ';your wife doesn't appreciate you, etc'; I would be at work reading this stuff, anyway when I would get home I would ask if he looked for a job today and he would say no. He was addicted to World of Warcraft on the computer and would rather do that 10 - 12 hours a day. Needless to say we were both getting on each others nerves prior to him leaving. That was almost a year ago. Since then we have never talked on the phone or in person, when he left me he drove to another state to be with his family. He has only come back to attend court for the divorce, which I did see him in October for that. The divorce has been final for about two weeks and I can't stop thinking of him, I did not attend court in person because I didn't think I was strong enough to see him.


Now, I have these dreams about him all the time and I wake up so upset. When will I be able to move on. I feel my thoughts are about him all day. I keep thinking of what we had and what he walked away from. Also I feel that since we don't have any children there is never going to be a reason for us to communicate again. Also, since he left I have also lost my job and had to deal with looking for a new one, which fortunatly I did find. My new job is just a stepping stone, because I don't make enough to pay my bills but I figured it is better to have something then nothing.





Does anyone have any suggestions on how to move on. How do I stop thinking of the love I lost, was he my sole mate and am I going to be alone for ever. I can't even think of being with anyone else right now. He was MY husband and I let my marriage fall apart, what can I do now? Any advice . . .For anyone that has lost at love, please give solid advice . . . .?
You are in the same boat most of us were when we got divorced from someone who no longer wanted to be with us. Just face it. He will never want you back. Anything you do to try to get him back will only make you seem like a desperate and crazy woman. You have to move on. Here's what i did:





I started exercising and lost weight. I went online and chatted with some women not near my area. I gained confidence in myself. I found that even though my ex divorced me, there are a lot of caring and supportive people out there.





You are not dead yet. Go to your hair dresser and get your hair styled (not cut shorter). Do something for yourself. Take a trip to rekindle the beautiful person hiding inside you. Most importantly, smile. Be confident in who you are and find out where you want to go.





Let me know if i can help. You're worth it.For anyone that has lost at love, please give solid advice . . . .?
stop thinking about the good times and think about all the bad times, his laziness and the other woman he was talking about. you are remembering him like if he was the perfect person, but he wasnt, thats why HE WASNT WILLING TO WORK IT OUT. your soulmate wouldnt have walked out on you. you will find him.
Time will heel. Consider yourself lucky that you do not have children together. Less ties make it easier. I was with my wife for 12 years - we have two children. So I have to see her a lot. I have found, though, that I am a much happier person without her.
It's not '; love lost '; it's love used up or exhausted ( happens sometimes). There is none left to be romanticizing over.





Go find some new love rather than obsessing over what used to be.
time will only tell when you can let go, go to a therapist for help it will make you feel better
First of all, there is no such thing as a soul-mate. It's a silly notion that has taken root in our culture, and it screws up the thinking process of millions of people.





Your beliefs ~ that this lazy, cheating bum is your soul-mate, and that you will be alone forever ~ are the reasons why you can't move on.





I guarantee that there are literally thousands of guys that you are deeply compatible with. When you find one of them, your ex-husband will become a distant memory.





I have a challenge for you...





Sign up for eharmony, complete your profile ~ picture and all, and see who you get matched up with.


You don't have to go on a date unless you want to. The purpose of this is so you can see for yourself that there are others who would be a great match for you, and that you don't have to be alone forever.
Deep breath, wow I feel so much sadness around me right now after reading that. What a tragedy. Your pain is so real and so huge.


The man you fell in love with no longer exists. He got caught up in internet fantasy and basicly cheated on you. You are suffereing because you lost a big hunk of your life. Your past, present and future has changed now. All your dreams and plans died with the divorce. Andits tearing you apart.


You need to see a therapist. No one can go through a divorce after that long of a marriage and not be torn apart. I am so sorry for you. Im sure you are having doubts and fears and going crazy inside with all the unknowns. Your stress is enhances by this economy and life is caving in around you. You have to act fast and find some support and some passion again. I hope you find peace soon.


Check out these websites:


www.broken-heart.net


http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/divor鈥?/a>


http://lovesagame.com/the-secrets-of-ult鈥?/a>


http://breakingup.org/#PREPARING
This sounds so painful. Although I've never been through a divorce I have been through long-term relationships that ended and it is very painful. Things that helped me - don't forget the good times but don't idealize the relationship - remember the bad things that ended it because that's what you would have to put up with if you went back. Such as, him not looking for a job, jilting you for a facebook chick = irresponsible and unfaithful - not great qualities in a mate. Of course nobody is perfect and you loved him in spite of his flaws, but those are pretty big flaws coupled with the fact that he hasn't bothered to communicate with you since he left. I know it's a cliche, but I do think it would help to meet new men - when you feel that flutter of attraction and chemistry with someone else, well, it really does help you see that life goes on, even if that man doesn't turn out to be the one. It helps to realize that, contrary to popular opinion, there is really NOT just one soul mate for each person. You can have a great relationship with someone else. If I were in your position I would join an internet dating site like Match.com - I know a lot of people who have met and some married through meeting there. Whatever you do, don't sit home and think of the past, get out %26amp; do stuff, spend time with family %26amp; friends, maybe even go to the pound %26amp; adopt a pet. Good luck to you.
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