What will you do with your 12 year old daughter?

she had a crush on a 24 year old guy from our neighborhood. I only thought that they were just friends, i never thought the guy would take advantage and court my daughter.Sometimes i see them talking with group of friends.One day the school guidance called us up because this guy went to my daughters school fest,they saw him smelling my daughters hair,putting his arms at my daughters shoulder and it was intimate. I ask my daughter, she was so honest to tell me what happened she told me everything,the guy brought her hamburger for lunch and bought her a donut which she never ate.She told me that she didnt know that she was already courting her. We really got angry how come a 24 year man fell in love with a 12 year old,for gods sake she doesnt have any idea what love is? my daughter told me that she loves this guy like a brother.She never even had a malice with it. What we did was we went to police and made a blotter,that next time he makes a wrong move (talk to my daughter again,make any type of communications with her) i will put him in jail,We already talk to his parents and made a promise that this will not happen again.My problem is,he leaves in front of our house and my daughter could easily see him through our window or through our backyard. I always catch my daughter staring at their house. i dont want to nag her and as much as i can control it i dont want to hurt her by yelling and reminding her to forget him but sometimes im so paranoid and its killing me. I even explained this to her that its very wrong for her to like a guy that twice her age.I told her if shes in the right age its really fine with me if she likes older guy.I want her to forget this him but everytime i catches her staring in front of this guy's house it broke my heart and i ended up yelling at her.Im so upset with this guy.I really want to move in to another place but shes still in shool .Am i right for doing this? I Plan to move in next year near in my sister's place .I already talked this to my husband and agrees.What will i do for her to forget him? do you honestly think she 'll forget him when he leaves right next door?Im so confused and dont know what to do.I love my daughter so much. I will do anything for her,right now we talk to her a lot,entertain her a lot,thought we didnt give much attention to her because i just gave birth last 4 months ago.maybe we we're so busy with her little sister.Every weekend we go to her grandparents so she could play with her cousins and help her cope with and forget the guy.I really want to think that she get over this..do you think is right thing to do to move in some other place? will she ever forget this guy? thanks moms! hope to hear nice words from you all! thumbs up for everybody!What will you do with your 12 year old daughter?
You have every right to be concerned, but you do have to stop yelling at her for simply looking out the window. Remember it's not her fault for having the feelings that she has. Talk to her about it, but don't ever yell. She may end up resenting you and, because it's what teenagers do best, rebel against your anger by seeking his company.





On the other hand, that doesn't mean you don't have to keep tabs on her either. While you should except it as perfectly normal for her to be looking outside and daydreaming, you are definitely within your right as a mother to make sure you know where she is going to be when she leaves the house.





First, if she's going to be outside your house, tell her to stay where you can see her. If she wants to go for a walk around the block, don't let her unless she at the least has a friend with her. When she want to go hang out with friends, not only do you need to make sure you have the phone numbers of the parents, but actually follow through and call them to make sure she is there. If you trust the parent well enough, or you truly suspect she may try to meet this guy behind your back, talk to the other parents about what is going on so that they are aware and can keep an eye out (just make sure the parents don't speak to their kids about it, or you will embarrass your daughter and make it worse).





She might not like all the new rules, in fact, she will probably get really angry with you for making them. Keep your calm, and don't get angry back. Just tell her you trust you, but you don't trust this guy. And as her mother you are going to do what you have to in order to keep her safe. Don't apologize, you don't have to because you are the mom here, but do make sure she understands it is they guy (not her) who you are worried about.





Also, and I can tell you this from my own experience as a once naive teenager, you might consider watching out when she is either on the phone or the internet at night. If she has a access to a computer, you should make sure the instant message ';transcript'; gets saved to the computer so that you can look at it later without her knowing. I can't remember how to do this, but pose the question on yahoo if you don't know how yourself. Also be aware of any private phone conversations she has. You don't have to listen in.. just pay attention if she is being very quiet when she might not normally be, or if she is talking once you go to bed. And with both of these things, the instant message and phone conversations, don't tell her you are watching for this. If it is for her safety, you don't need to feel guilty for doing a little spying.





And again, don't worry about her if she is just looking out the window for him. It doesn't necessarily mean she has feelings for him. If you look at it from a teenagers point of view, she may very easily just be intrigued by the fact an older guy likes her. Especially if she's never had a boyfriend, or had another guy give her that kind of attention. It may simply make her feel good.





Be a friend, and talk to her about how she might think it can be nice to know that someone she considers a man likes her. Let her express her real feelings and don't judge her. She's allowed to feel those things. Just make sure at the same time you are a mom as well, and while you are there for her to talk to, you also make it clear that this guy could be very dangerous (and probably is).





I hope things work out for you. What will you do with your 12 year old daughter?
An answer to your important question.


Please call with any problem, anytime:


Girls and Boys Town ';National Hotline';


Phone: 1-800-448-3000 (toll free)


Email: Hotline@girlsandboystown.org
i'm not a mum but I'll answer anyway...


yes she will forget him, sooner than you think,


i don't see why moving would be necessary unless he's still hanging around her,


just make sure she doesn't go anywhere near him and it'll be fine
Seeing him talk to her isnt going to put him in jail unless the judge was willing to give him a restraining order.
yeah she will forget the guy, she is 12, her attention span is like oooh spongebob is on, ooooh makeup.
Get a restraining order or something at the least. That's some really serious stuff.
It's just a crush, she'll forget him if you stop making a big deal about her looking out the window.
Yeah. i would move if i were you.


i'll pray for her to forget him.
move and get ur daughter therapy. dont take it personally
i read the first line and wow. i would forbid that. she is way to young.
WOW LONG!


well, looks like she still likes him.


i say move, but she will be mad about moving,though it for her own good.
too long to read
wow im 12 i cant even thinking about likeing a 24 year old was he cute..hahaha JK JK
u did the right thing, turning him in,


just keep an extra eye on her, as long as u live near em.


even if u leave the area,


it may be harder to keep an eye on her,


they may meet somewhere,


w/ out even knowing it.


good-luck






well im 13, and i have a boyfriend. but hes my age. i think its gross. i know you wanted moms, but i figured that if i could show you her point of view, maybe you'll understand. but she's NUTS!!! he's a pervert! you need to make sure that you explain you're point of view to her. and that it hurts you. good luck and hope i helped!
this just makes me sick! my partner is 25 and i feel sickened if he checks out girls 17+...this man sounds like trouble....i have a daughter and although she is only three if anything like this happened when she got older i would do what ever i had to do to protect her from that man...i dont think your wrong...your little girl is just a baby and doesn't understand that this is dangerous.do what ever you have to do..she will forget him but it might take time if she has a crush on him.
Only one thing to do.





Have the local police visit this child abuser.





Or tell your husband to grow a set of balls and handle this situation the old-fashioned way.





Do this before you have to utter the words ';statutory rape';
I think you made a very responsible choice, and as she may not understand it, the 24 year old more than Definitely does, it sounds to me like he is a fishy pervert and you going to the police was the right thing to do. people wouldn't believe how many men would carry off such beautiful young girls, and for him to be bribing her with food and other things is unacceptable. What have the world come to.








you should explain to her that what he is doing is very unbrotherly like, and remind her that she is 12.
I read it all. You are doing the right thing. Whether the guy's a perv or not, it's highly innapropriate. Your daughter is LITERALLY half is age. That's a little extreme, and while it might seem like a little school girl crush, these situations can get out of hand. The next time he does something intimate to your daughter, contact the police like you told yourself to do. It's what needs to be done.
I'm not a mom but i can give you some advice from a young 'un :) She probably won't forget him, but she will no longer be attracted to him in about 2 years or less. She will come to a realization soon. And moving would be a good idea, that guy seems like he has a bad future ahead.
get a grip on yourself. You are going to move because she has a crush which is normal? Do you have a restraining order against him? If not you need to get one right away. That is the only way you can have him arrested if he contacts her in any way.





Keep her involved in activities that are normal for her age? Does she play an instrument, does she play sports etc. She will get over him - now will you?
Hi. I'm not a mother of any teenagers but i am an older sister to many and I can't imagine what I would do. At the age of twelve, girls start growing up and realising that they are attracted to the opposite sex. She may miss him and it could be hard, but you have to stay strong. You are doing the right thing to protect your daughter from getting hurt and protecting her for a better future.





It's great that you are cmmunicating with her and trying to entertain her. You should get her involved with kids her age. i know its tough but moving away might be a good idea. And i'm sure when she meets new people she will eventually get over him.





Another thing you should do is educate her. Keep her busy with school work and in programs that will teach her good things.





I have a 14 year old sister and she has been struggling in school. I took her for a long drive and told her to observe and look at all the people whoare walking outside....there are so many different people....





street people


young kids who have babies with no car and waiting for the bus


there are drug dealers





and then i took her downtown





there were business people


successful people


people with nice cars and homes





And then i asked her...... who would you rather be? What will you do? Who will you become? What is most important to you?





I told her that love will come and we will all be falling...but we have to remember our goals....our life and how we want to live.... love will come after..... success comes first.....EDUCATION.....is the key.





It may sound a little silly, but it worked. She got straight A's in school and she focusses really hard in school now...





Show your daughter what's out there and remind her that you will help her become a great woman. Educate her with knowledge, not love. That way, she will make less mistakes in the future and know what kind of people are good for her life and what kind will ruin it.





Good Luck MOM.
sell the house and buy a new one why do u have to go by your sisters house and yes move away from him u never know what this creep might do just always keep a look out for your daugther dont ever let her get near him
Hopefully the guy just see her as a cute child and that's all, but we don't know what's going on in his mind, better be save than sorrow. I think you should consider moving away a.s.a.p. and make sure he will never find out were you moved to and she will get over it in no time. This is a big deal and you shouldn't allow this to happen. Who this guy thinks he is? She is just a child for God's sake. Your husband should be doing something about it if this is so obvious. Good Luck.
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