What do you think defines or makes a good step-parent to a step-child? What is your experience or thoughts?

I'm 22 and my parents divorced when my brother and I were 10 to 12 years old.


My Dad remarried about 1 year after divorce. His partner also had a 16 year old daughter.





My Mum remarried about 2 years after the divorce. My step dad had three other children but all grown and living out of home.





Any way, I鈥檓 curious to know if you are a step parent or are a step child and how your experience has been and what you believe makes a good or bad step-parent? Or if you have any thoughts in general on this.





I like to think I have a good one and an evil one. My Step mum had some serious issues, I truly think she would have loved to see my brother and I fall of the face of the earth so she could have her own family with just her, her daughter and my dad, which is eventually what she got as We have cut all contact with our dad for what he did, and she made life hell for us, for allot of years... And he literally sat back and watched.


In saying that thought, we have a wonderful step dad who I believe is our father now. He did discipline us, but only when the argument involved him, he allowed us to have a relationship our mum and gave us every bit of his love and support when we needed it. We also like to think his kids are our brothers and sisters too because they handled the situation so well also.





I find it distressing when I read comments (especially from women) almost being jealous of their step children, not releasing they entered a relationship with children already included. I once heard this women say she had has to deal with a ';crappy situation'; because her husband had a 3 year old daughter.What do you think defines or makes a good step-parent to a step-child? What is your experience or thoughts?
I am a step-mom.





They used to live with us and call me Mommy. Their Mom found out, now she has them. They are 13, 16 and 17.





When they were with us, they made A's. With her, F's. When they were with us, they were involved in their school and their community.





Now, one has been expelled and is in a special school. One cuts herself and goes to the psychiatric hospital a lot. One is sexually permissive.





We want the children to live with us. We love them.





However, their Mom (who is on disability for being insane, is a hoarder, convicted felon [for murder and attempted murder]) has turned the children against us, mostly.





She moved in with my in-laws and turned them against us. The entire family has abandoned us and wants nothing to do with us.





No Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc for us.





NOTHING.





We just sit and wait until they are 18. We don't know what lies she has told people about us to make them abandon us.





We can't tell them the truth about their Mom. We have to wait.





Besides, they would not believe us.





So, it is very difficult for the family. It has been torn asunder with no hope of repair.





We are Christians. We have jobs (their Mom has never worked). We pay our bills. We do not have a criminal history or background. We do not use drugs.





The State of California does not care about these children.





There is a law that if you commit a crime against a child, you are not allowed to raise them / live with children. However, she lives there.





A convicted felon.





Peace.What do you think defines or makes a good step-parent to a step-child? What is your experience or thoughts?
Having a spouse supportive of the step children is always the best way for things to begin. With my problem daughter my husband supports me so I am can handle her easier, she is now 17.
As far as my thought is concern, this things happens because everybody is competing for attention like step-mom and children needing dad's attention and so on n if not fullfilled than gossiping n bickering starts.
I'm a step parent. Don't have any kids of my own. I'm very close to my step daughter.


And help her with college now, helped her get a car ect.


Treat her as if she was my daughter.
I've been fortunate in my life to have a great childhood with loving parents and a stable marriage for over half my life. That being said my assumption is as simple as saying to you that the definition of a good step-parent would be one who treats their partners children as they would their own children. Love them, guide them and raise them with the caring and nurturing they deserve no matter who gave life to them. All children in the world deserve that much. Good luck
A good step parent sounds exactly like your step-dad. He doesn't try to be your ';friend'; or buy your love, because he's the adult and you're the child and that's totally inappropriate, yet he still has a good relationship with you and does care about you very much. And he keeps things fair between you and his biological kids, not treating either better or worse.





I think women being more likely to be jealous is the result of infantalization of women in our society. Soooo many women want to be ';taken care of'; and ';provided for'; by their husbands, rather than acting like adults and taking care of themselves. So when you're mentally taking the role of a dependent, it seems predictable that you'd be threatened by other dependents who take resources and time away from you.





Sounds familiar with your step-mother at all?
My step daughter is 11 years old. I have been with her father since she was 9 months old. I can't have children of my own, so I feel that she is a wonderful blessing. I don't know what the secret is to being a good step parent, but I have a wonderful relationship with my step daughter. She is a very smart and intelligent young lady, and when we go out as a family, I just tell everyone that she is my daughter. If I were ever to get a divorce from her father, I would still continue to have a relationship with her. I feel that she is my child.
I am a step parent and it's always a little awkward because this woman or man is not your parent and it's a big change for everyone. You have to be able to understand that your parents are human and they need love too and deserve to be happy and if this person is making them happy then you should be open and give that person a chance too. It's also awkward for them too. You are now an adult so try to be open and understanding and try to make the best of the situation. I hope I helped.