Background. I have been friends with the couple since grade school/ primary school. They have been going out for about 5 years. I got the dream email 2 months ago and then just ignored it I replied it when I was going through my email yesterday.
The guy has since phoned me about 7 times between 10pm and midnight yesterday but I did not take the calls.
Here is the letter - I have obviously changed the names.
Date: May 2009 23:15:33 -0700
%26gt; Subject: this morning..,
%26gt; From:GUY@gmail.com
%26gt; To: JANE@hotmail.com
%26gt; DEAR JANE
%26gt; I had 3 dreams that You were in. The last one was beautiful and quite
%26gt; passionate. My ';self'; must be really missing You, or whatever it is
%26gt; You represent to it.
%26gt;
%26gt; Blessings and all the love I have always reserved for You.
%26gt;
%26gt;GUY
______________________________________…
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MONDAY 13TH JULY 09
Dear GUY
I should have spoken sooner but I did not.
Maybe I thought I had but obviously I was not clear.
Sometimes the way you talk and act makes me feel very uncomfortable.
Read this to yourself and tell me how it sounds
'; I had 3 dreams that You were in. The last one was beautiful and quite passionate. My ';self'; must be really missing You, or whatever it is You represent to it.';
Are you coming on to me?
If it was something in isolation maybe it could be ignored but there are SO MANY things with many interpretations that have come up that this must be addressed directly. I will not name any names but a few of SARAH's friends have said you make them feel uncomfortable and as if you are coming on to them. This may or may not be the case but this is the perception. To make it clear if you are making a pass or whatever I do not reciprocate and never will.
I will give you a few more examples of behaviour that I have found very disconcerting.
* When I was having problems in my marriage you came over to MY HOUSE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY unannounced. Yes, you said you were trying to offer moral support. But you knew, as I had told you that MY HUSBAND was very jealous and you know how a typical (X Nationality) man in general would react to a man visiting his wife.
No way saying you contributed to the relationships demise – just that sometimes you are not sensitive at all and do not think about the wider context. To be honest sometimes you can be very selfish.
*The one time you hugged me at the station by your mum's house you had a ******* wtf.
* When you knew I was sleeping over at SARAH's place and I had confirmed that you were not sleeping over you were there and did the whole dinner thing and footwashing etc. I do not feel comfortable sharing a bed with you and I thought the whole thing was very weird.
I have attached a picture for you. * I ATTACH A CHILDHOOD PHOTO OF US* Do you see us sitting next to each other? That is how I see you - someone who has always been special to me. You are a very gifted and talented person. I do not wish to be estranged. If you remember to treat me as you would a sister and that I am not comfortable being tactile with you that would be good.
I hope this falls on fertile ground.
JANE
2009/7/13 GUY
blood, why did You decide to write this 'reply' to me however many months after it was sent..? I suppose I don't really understand You either. I think I felt You to be a certain person, but over time, (and I think somewhat finally before I left,) I started to come to accept that probably I never really knew 'about' who You were/are. I feel I know You.., I feel at some point I may have had a glimpse.., but maybe I saw in You what I wanted or needed to see at the time. I suppose all Your 'sister' etc etc may be a reverse of this.., mutual romanticization.
In the times of this photo, I loved You.., You apparently, had other intentions/less clarity on that, and this manifested in when I decided to stop interacting with You after You 'denied' me in public. In that moment, as we so backtrack, it wasn't a 'too shy to dance' thing, (cos You went on to dance with a few other folk, especially my best friend BOB, whom You later 'came on to' in later life as well..,) it was that to quote You, ';I do not reciprocate and never will.'; In spite of what I felt we shared, in all the time and 'emotion' we shared - at least on my part - in private, via the phone etc. You were a girl 'I' loved.., and even if You will never understand it, this is why I have 'bothered' and exerted even when I didn't understand the girl You'd become, (or probably were all along.) You, ';do not reciprocate and never will..,'; recently I've come o understand that You probably did not understand what it was You were being offered/given, or how to share/give this back. I am selfish...
I am generally open and direct in my intentions, as far as the God's' allow me. You don't need to be in that 'private'/limbo staMy friend's husband is coming on to me - read emails?
What's your question?
My advice: cut off contact with him. This guy is way too thick headed to be reasoned with. For example, you make it crystal clear that you're not interested in him romantically, and then he uses the phrase, ';mutual romanticization.'; The word mutual means both of you. Since you are obviously not feeling romantic toward him, this guy is just about delusional. Delusional people don't give up, so your choices are either to decide to tolerate his inappropriate behavior, or cut him off. I recommend the latter.My friend's husband is coming on to me - read emails?
1 - this is way too long
2. got bored
3. Tell him to bugger of
4 - that is the end of the problem
accidentally forward them to his wife.
tell him you are not intrseted because you are freinds and no more en lass you are interested and why not start an affair
Just do him and get it over with, you know you want to.
Give him what he wants.
BC
He sounds like a ******* weird guy.
tell his wife!
a passionate dream only means one thing...he was coming on to you. you confronted him on this in your email and told him ';never.';
that hurt his feelings and now he is trying to provide damage control to save face.
when you see him, say hello and be polite. nothing more than that. don't discuss it with him any more. it is not necessary.
As a true friend you have a duty to first of all warn him that if he continues, you will tell his wife. If he continues tell his wife. He is manipulating you with words. Friendship or a fling???????? Friendship - to keep your friend. Or Fling to lose her.
well tell hem you are not in to him and that you are showing the emails to his wife and if i were you i would print them out and give them to her she might get mad but this is the right thang to do
Well, this seems to be bothering you, so you should definitely do something about it - although I would think not to this man directly.
How close is your friend?
I would consider telling her. The only difficulty there is that she may be quite unhappy with you for showing her this. You really just need to ask yourself what is more important to you, would you rather she knew what was going on and possibly didn't talk to you or would you rather ignoring his advances and staying in close contact with her, knowing that he may be unfaithful to her?
If I were you, I would keep ignoring him. That email you sent made him quite irritable and who knows what he would say/do if you upset him any further? If he does become too uncomfortable or is calling you incessantly or forcing himself upon you, make sure you tell somebody, maybe even the authorities - your safety is important!
Again, if it were me, I would ignore him and then if it keeps happening tell the friend. However, if he is doing it to a few friends, then maybe get a few friends to mention it to her - although not in a way that makes her feel as though she is being attacked by you all.
That's the best advice I can give. Good luck!
I agree with Jamand.
1 - this is way too long
2. got bored
3. Tell him to bugger of
4 - that is the end of the problem
5- Jamand forgot this one. TELL HIS WIFE.
This is really simple...he's a married man and he's off limits. Tell him to go away, stop texting you and sort himself out. If he doesn't love or feel attracted to his wife anymore, he should be discussing this with her and noone else. He's a selfish, pathetic man who has no respect for his wife at all. I doubt he would have any respect for you either if you gave in...
This is really a weird situation. Just stay away from him, ignore his passes, dont answer his calls, e-mail and try not to meet at the same place. Cold shoulder!
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