What is mechanically wrong with my essay? :-(?

I take an internet highschool, and my teacher keeps saying to check my mechanical errors.





But, I have looked and looked and can't find them. Please help me.








Ellen Hopkins is a talented, young adult writer whose work demonstrates true passion for her profession. With over 4 New York Times best-sellers, she is someone who shows interest in her topics of writing. She writes about modern issues such as cutting, psychological disorders, drugs and other things that affect our society today. She takes you inside these issues by holding nothing back, and shows you the truth about them even as hard as it is to believe. She touches things that each teenager goes through, at one time or another in their life, and shows different outcomes of how these issues can turn out. I believe that if a teen reads one of her books, they will fall in love with her writing just as much as I have.














Ellen grew up in California, with her adopted family who adopted her at birth. After her adoptive parents death, she was able to find her birth mom, and half sister to reunite and establish a relationship with them in Michigan. She went to college for journalism, but later dropped out to get married and have children. Her first best-selling novel, ';Crank'; , is loosely based on her oldest daughters addiction to the drug crystal meth. It eventually turned into a sequal, which also became a New York Times best-seller, called ';Glass';. She takes you inside the horrifying story as her oldest daughter deals with addiction, and shows the true hurt and toll it can take on a family. It's perhaps the saddest story i've ever read. After being married for a few years, Ellen got divorced. She met who is now her current husband, and they moved to Tahoe. They then moved to Reno, where most of her novels are based. Along the way, she also opened a video store, before all the video chains had reached the area. It's when she moved to Reno that she started to write fiction. Throughout her writing career, she wrote most non-fiction and poetry. All Ellens books are wrote in poetry, that tells a story. She now still resides in Reno, with her husband and youngest son.








I believe her books are amazing because I think that she truly enjoys what she does. It's not too often you find someone who you can tell loves what they do. Also, I think that the topics she writes about are really interesting. She writes about things that i've gone through, and I feel as though I can relate to her characters in her story. She also makes you feel as if your the main character, which can also be a hard thing to do when writing. She makes you fall in love with the characters, and leaves you hoping for a sequal at the end of the book. Overall, she is the author that has really got me interested in reading. I hope to one day be as passionate about something as she is about her writing.





The only negative feedback I would give about her novels are that some of the subject matter can be disturbing. Her books are not for all ages, and are mainly for the young adults. Also, her books can be quite long. The last book I read was about 600 pages long. Also, some people don't like her attitude, because she doesn't hide facts and just tells you exactly how it is. But overall, if you like a deeply written, long story I would recommend her books to anyone.





Overall Ellen Hopkins is my favorite writer. She has inspired me to read, and to hopefully one day be able to write my own books. If I become a writer, I hope to be just like her. I hope to love what I do, and for my fans to love me. I hope that I can inspire others just as she has inspired me. If anyone were to ask me of a good book for teens, certainly all her books would be mentioned. She has a talent that is hard to find these days, and is greatly respected by the New York Times.





Sources: (For her biography)- http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A21鈥?/a>


Also I used some info from the last page in the back of her books.What is mechanically wrong with my essay? :-(?
From a quick glance, you do have quite a few errors. I will give some examples of each type - you can reread it to see if you make the error anywhere else.





1. Incorrect comma usage: You have a habit of incorrectly using a comma in front of the word ';and'; when it is not a subordinate clause. For example: Her books are not for all ages, and are mainly for the young adults. You should take out the comma. Read up on subordinate clauses and when to use a comma.





2. Missing or misplaced possessive apostrophe: adoptive parents death should be adoptive parents' death; daughters addiction should be daughter's addiction.





3. Incorrect verb use, unnecessary change in shift, and a missing preposition: All Ellens books are wrote in poetry, that tells a story. It should be: All of Ellen's books are written in poetry which tell a story.





4. Spell out numbers which are nine and under, do not use unneccesary prepositions - see this corrected version: With over four New York Times' best-sellers, she is someone who shows interest in her writing topics.





5. Many grammarians still consider it unacceptable to start a sentence with and, but or because. Doing so creates a sentence fragment, not a complete sentence. You did so in the fourth paragraph.





6. If you have a series of three or more related items, you must use a comma: She writes about modern issues such as cutting, psychological disorders, drugs, and other things that affect our society today. (You did not have a comma after drugs).





7. Always capitalize ';I'; when used as a personal pronoun. Even if using it as I've.





8. Do not use a comma before a prepositional phrase: She now still resides in Reno with her husband and youngest son. (You had a comma after Reno)








These are some other errors you made, more about correct style than mechanical:





1. Avoid using the same word or idea over and over. It's not necessary to mention the New York Times three times (unless you work for them and get paid for advertising). You also use adopted or some form of the verb three times.





2. Do not switch from active to passive voice and try not to have preposition after preposition unless unavoidable: If anyone were to ask me of a good book for teens, certainly all her books would be mentioned. Better: If asked for a good teen book, I would certainly mention all her books.





3. Try to use active voice as much possible.





4. Try to be more concise. You wrote: Ellen grew up in California, with her adopted family who adopted her at birth. What about: Adopted at birth, Ellen grew up in California.





I haven't corrected everything - you need to learn. :) Here is what you should do: google mechanical errors, grammatical rules, or punctuation errors. Read each rule and then read your essay to look for them. Then google Elements of Style. Read your essay again and polish it. This will help you be a great writer like Ellen Hopkins. :)What is mechanically wrong with my essay? :-(?
I think it's good.





One thing that did jump out at me was ';With over 4 New York Times';. Always write out a number unless there is a compelling reason not to. In this case say ';four';.
you wrote ';4'; instead of spelling it out
There are errors in apostrophes and agreement. There are other issues, too, like redundancy and shifts of topic. BUT, if all your internet teacher can do is repeat instructions that you don't understand, then you need to complain to the school. She/he sounds like an INCREDIBLY lazy and unhelpful teacher.