What do I make of this? I need honest help (men over 40 answer only please unless it happened to you)?

this is long, but I have to explain.





Facts:


My bf and I have been in an LD relationship now for going on two years. We fell in love on line. After being with him for a year, he finally told me he was technically still married (separated for a number of years) this ended up hurting me alot. Most of his friends... no... all of his ';close'; friends are women.





He deleted me, and my family from facebook as a new year's resolution. He also deleted a few others, with the intention that he wanted it for business contacts only. He said we would work on our joined myspace account and share our love, family and friends there. Here's the problem. For a number of months, he has ceased contacting me via email, chatting on line, sending cards, love of any kind. He was accused of a relationship where he words with a married woman. Now, because she is a co-worker, she is still there on his account but I have been deleted. What does this show to the people he works with and her?





He says he loves me and this is all in my head and my problem. He has done things to hurt me in the past, and has been dishonest with me about a few things. He has promised me many times to see me, but it falls through for some reason or another. He says he still want's to be in my life and marry me. We did not see each other for the holidays and this hurt me greatly. Then to have this as a resolution breaks my heart. He has admitted that his online contact with me lacking was his fault and he would try to do better. But this was months ago and nothing has changed. He said one of his resolutions was to work on our myspace, but out of all his ideals for the new year, He said he didn't have time to do anything there.





He says he loves me, want's to be with me, marry me and so on. But all of what he is doing is telling me just the opposite. He has not taken our relationship into consideration that it is failing. He says were fine... But why the **** am I hurting? Why am I feeling so neglected and now rejected? He still says were fine but I am the one crying on the phone? How can this be fine?





My question to you people is this, do I have some kind of right to feel like I am being replaced for the hopes of something else going on in his life. He says he is not having an affair.





His words say one thing, his actions totally say another. I have done nothing wrong to him. I told him that I know he's not having an affair but why is he doing senceless things to hurt me? I don't understand and all I want is for him to validate why what he has done has been hurting me. I am not asking for changes, but complete honesty.





If you make a site for business only.... you don't leave your ex girlfriend from college there and delete your girlfriend and her family. What is your opinion on this? I am really hurting and confused right now. I have never done anything to him to back him in the corner needlessly. I have loved him with all that I had to love him with. I never told him who he can and cant be friends with. I have always supported him in all his endeavors. He says I am the only one who ever stood by him. Can you see my confusion here?





The woman he was accused of having an affair with is still there. He explained she is a good friend and she is having trouble in her marriage because he said her husband is an *** and treats her like crap. For months she has been leaning on him for support... of which during this time, he was angry and refused to help me with any emotional support for us and our relationship. She even called when he was home here with me. ';She is having problems and I am there for her'; is his explanation.








What is going on?What do I make of this? I need honest help (men over 40 answer only please unless it happened to you)?
This guy is has no plans to buy the cow, and is getting the milk for free. He's telling you one thing and doing another, he makes promises that he doesn't keep, and when you feel like something is wrong he tells you it's all in your head. He is snowing you, and good. I know this is not what you want to hear, but everything in your question says he is playing you.





Any guy that constantly tells you it's all in YOUR hear is full of poop. It's his way of squashing the issue without having to admit there is a problem. He says he's yours, but he keeps all these other girls close. It's one thing to have a lot of female friends and another to put them before you. He tells you what you want to hear, but then doesn't follow through.





Your gut is telling you there is something wrong, and it's right. He is doing just enough to keep you coming back to him, but nothing he's doing says he loves you. You are a bright woman. You can see the whole picture but you don't want to connect the dots. I get that. You are hoping that if you hold on long enough he will come around. You are hoping that it really is in your head, and he will follow through on all those empty promises.





You can keep hoping and holding on to what you want to hear. But, I think you're past that point. Everything you wrote sounds pretty clear. You are seeing the problems. Now you have to decide what you want. Do you want to keep telling yourself if you hold on long enough he'll come around? Or is it time for you to move on and find someone who really does want to be with just you?





He's never going to be who you need him to be, or who he says he is. You will always be telling yourself that if you keep holding on a little bit longer he will come around. Not going to happen. He's too selfish. It's all about him, who he can manipulate (don't think for a second that you're the only one he's ever treated this way), and what he can get out of it.





If you do decide to end things be prepared that he might say things, or even do things, that will keep you from leaving. None of it will be about you. It will all be about him keeping you on the hook and the sick feeling of satisfaction he gets from it. He seems like the kind of guy who might do whatever it take to be the one in control. If he feels like you're asserting your own independence he might try some manipulation tactics to keep you holding on to him. Stick to your guns. Keep reminding yourself why you're kicking him to the curb. In fact, come back and reread what you wrote here and let that help you remember.What do I make of this? I need honest help (men over 40 answer only please unless it happened to you)?
I am not saying this to hurt you, but this man is no good. Plain and simple; mature, good men do not treat women like he treats you. Get away from this guy as he is bad news.
cake and eat it?





Sorry, not good news but facebook is a social network. You can set up groups on it and there is nothing to stop him from setting up a family group. The fact that he deleted you and your family sends a clear message to you, your family and his friends. The only reason for deleting someone on facebook is if you don't like them or you don't want them to see what you are doing. Most business activity can be done via email leaving your social network for social stuff.





He is invariably either playing the field or trying to. You need to get rid of him for a more caring and honest partner.





Really sorry that this is probably not the answer you are looking for but cut your losses.