To all the wives out there: Husband insensitive...choosing mother over wife?

My husband and I have had an argument and he is in denial about several things. He thinks I am being too emotional and refuses to see how his actions have affected me.





What strategies have some of you used to make your husbands aware of his mistaken ways?





This a general background overview to what we are going through:





We have been married for over 4 years. My mother-in-law has come for the holidays from overseas and he hasn’t seen her for a while. She is staying for three weeks in a hotel because I do not know her that well and have only met once in the past. She does not mind staying in a hotel and my husband told her that ';it's a cultural thing.';





She has come around and is now much nicer to me than she was in the past when my husband and I were dating. For this reason I am spending a lot of time with her – almost comparable to the time that my husband is spending with her. We are very very hospitable, giving, nice, and loving towards her and she is more than happy with the way everything is being played out.





Before she decided to come, I have planned a weekend getaway to Niagara and I made reservations at the best hotel. I had to postpone the stay already once because my husband said that the “weather” wasn’t going to be in our favour since there was a snowstorm forecasted. This wasn’t a big deal since we were going there by train (not by car) and we weren’t planning to leave our hotel anyways since it’s cold outside and we have a view of the falls from our hotel room.





What made me completely devastated is that he asked that the trip be postponed again and he said that either I can go there alone or I can go with my friends. He also said that he feels “bad” that his mom is getting me “gifts” %26amp; “spending all this money one me.” For this reason it may not be good to leave her for the weekend (although she keeps on telling him to go, wants him to respect me and treat me properly). She is happy that we are married and doesn’t want to intrude.





I think that he feels indebted to her because she is taking us out for dinner. She is financially well-off and can afford it, but I am certainly not a materialistic person (and he doesn't doubt this). I have savings of my own and do not need or want anything, and neither do I propose that I need anything. I am very appreciative of everything, thankful, respectful, and do not expect anything in return. If this is going to cause such a problem, I told him to tell her not to get me more things for Christmas %26amp; made up the story for him to tell her that my family wants to get me the same things (she was planning to get me a cell phone because I lost mine on my way to get her from the airport when she came a week ago).





I don’t think that my husband is handling the balance between marriage and family well. I don’t want to postpone the trip because my holidays will be over and I will be very busy once they are over. We never went on a trip before as a couple %26amp; we never really had a honeymoon either.





In all other aspects, he is a loving %26amp; caring person and we get along great together. He also has a 'denial' personality and won't realize that he has hurt me a lot until some time passes by %26amp; once he forces himself to really think about things. He usually opts not to carefully analyze the consequences of his actions %26amp; finds it easier to believe that he's right or that I am ';mis-interpreting'; what he said.





When I tell him how I feel, he tries to tell me that he didn’t want to make my feel bad, although he said what he said. He wants me to get over it quickly and “slide things under the rug.” He takes for granted that I will forgive and forget easily, but he wouldn’t dare to do the same thing to his mother – only to his wife.





What things can I do or say to wake him up and tell him this isn't okay %26amp; treat me with more respect that he treats his family?To all the wives out there: Husband insensitive...choosing mother over wife?
You are being selfish. You said he hadn't seen his mother in quite a while. She has been here for 1 week and you want to take off with her son for a weekend and leave her alone in a foreign city where she probably doesn't know anyone.





Niagara will be there in a months time, in 6 months time or whatever. You said yourself it would be a weekend trip and really, you can take that trip any time.





Your husband's mother sounds like a lovely, kind and giving person. I'm still curious as to why she is staying in a hotel for 3 weeks and not staying with her son and you. It seems awfully callous to me to not make space for his mother in your home.





I don't think its your husband that's being insensitive, I think its you.To all the wives out there: Husband insensitive...choosing mother over wife?
It seems like a lot of husbands are like this I am not married but my mom has went through this with my dad the 25 yrs that they've been married and it continues to go on. Some husbands don't realize that they are married to YOU and not their mom, I think they feel its okay to disappoint and hurt you but not their mom but wht they need to realize is that you are his new family, he can still love his mom but show you respect. I don't know what to tell you other than tell him exactly how you feel, and if he continues maybe you have to threaten him with some bigger like divorce, which hopefully won't happen. I mean what he did doesn't deserve divorce but it can keep getting worse if you don't call him out on it. Good luck!
he has a legitimate reason to postpone your trip, marriage is about sacrifice. you need to grow up a bit, she lives over seas and he rarely sees her its not right for you to pull him away from her. its temporary, three weeks out of four years is not a lot to ask. he isn't being insensitive you are. grow up a bit apologize and reschedule. his mother is ok with it because she is well mannered and doesn't want a fight to arise between the two of you. please i dont know how old she is but if anything should happen to her and you left her at home for a weekend when you could have spent more time of her imagine the guilt. life is short you need to learn to make the time for people, they will only be around so long.