How do i make part of my romantic novel like a dream?

ok this is what i have so far in my romantic novel and now i'm stuck. and i'm 14, a freshman in high school so cut me some slack. thanks


';But why?!'; I yelled.


';Because his family is wealthy like us and he has a promising future and he will be a good husband. And I said so and I’m your father!'; And with that last word he left my room.


';Ugh!'; I screamed. It’s not fair! Why do I have to marry Daniel! I'm only seventeen! Not even an adult. Then there was a soft tap at the door.


';If you're dad, go away!'; I said into my pillow. ';I guess you heard the news.'; Anna, my older, step sister, said. I didn't answer. I just kept my crying, mad face in my pillow. Since I didn't answer she continued, ';Well if it makes you feel any better I’m betrothed too.'; And it did make me feel better because I knew who she was betrothed too.


';Kyle?'; I muffled. She didn't answer so I figured I was right.


';Anna? Are you still here?';


I finally stopped my crying enough to look to see if Anna was there, and she was. She had her hands over her face and silent tears were falling.


';I can't believe he's making us do this! Especially me and Kyle! Kyle's so rude, and disgusting, and old!'; Anna was really crying now. I felt bad because Kyle is like ten years older than Anna and Daniel is one year older than me and Daniel's richer and cuter than Kyle.


';I know! Let’s run away!';


';Clora, where would we go? I like my life.';


';We can go anywhere, everywhere!';


';Sorry Clora, but I don't want to leave.';


';Well I am leaving!'; And I really was. I wasn't going to marry someone I don't love. And that was all I needed to know.





This is the first chapter:





As soon as I started packing my bags, I realized I didn't know where I was going. All I knew was that I was leaving and not coming back because if I did I was going to marry someone I didn't love. Then I started thinking of people I can live with, where my dad can't find me.


';Elizabeth!'; I shouted. Yes! That’s a perfect place to go because she's my real, dead mother's sister.


When I was finally packed and ready to leave, it was pitch black, but I didn’t care. I was leaving right now. I got into my brand new, yellow camaro (I got it because I LOVE transformers), and headed toward Elizabeth’s house.


After about going a hundred miles, my eyes started drooping. From my peripheral vision I saw a white blur, but I just ignored it. When I turned back to the road, a deer was stopped in the middle of the road, staring at my car. Before I hit it, I swerved the car off the road. When I thought I was safe I realized I was headed toward the cliff, but it was too late. I couldn’t turn around. I was stuck. I was going to fly off the cliff with my car and die. With no hope left, I closed my eyes and wished that somehow everything would be all right. I felt the car slowly leaning forward and then it jerked to a stop. I slammed into the back of my seat. And then I saw him. He was tall, handsome, muscular, and mysterious all at the same time. He was holding onto my car with an amazing grip, and then he pushed it on solid ground and disappeared with amazing speed. Oh my gosh! I thought. “I’m dreaming.” I whispered. I slapped my face a couple times to see if I was dreaming, but I wasn’t. And for some odd reason, I was glad. Since I was kind of in shock, I didn’t know what to do besides sit.


When I woke up I was in my car, the battery was dead and I was out of gas. I grabbed my stuff and decided to call Elizabeth to come and get me from here. I dialed her number and put the phone to my ear.


“Crap! No cell reception.” I said throwing it on the ground.”Well I guess I could walk, since it’s not that far away.” I thought.


I walked for what seemed like forever, and then I saw a small mart. I decided to start jogging so I could get there and get to a phone. When I got to the mart, I went to the check-out counter and asked a large man with a long red beard and a bald head to use his phone. I called Elizabeth and I told her everything and I started crying and then I asked her if she could pick me up and let me stay with her. And she immediately said yes.


It was a short, silent ride to Elizabeth’s house.


”You get the blue room.” Elizabeth said, gesturing up the stairs at the second door on the left.


”I’ll fix you something to eat. What do you want?”


“I’ll take a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, thank you.”


After I ate I decided to take a shower. I went to the blue room to get my pajamas and toiletries.


“Hey Elizabeth.”


“Yeah?”


“Is it ok if I take a shower?”


“Of course you can sweetheart.”


“Ok, um… which door do I use?”


“The first one on the right.”


“Thanks.”


“Oh yeah! There’s…”


I wasn’t paying attention. I just wanted to be clean, and I wanted this horrible and a little wonderful day over. I walked through the door and stopped, because there was a half naked, totally ripped, beautiful, and a little familiar, guy in the bathroom.


“Um……” I said, quickly covering my eyes.


“It’s ok.” He said smiling.” I waHow do i make part of my romantic novel like a dream?
';I just kept my crying, mad face in my pillow'; that part doesn't make sense. revise please.





when you introduce the idea of running away its too blunt. Ease into it, by saying something like, i wish this wasn't happening, that we could just run away from this.. yaddayaddayadda... ';you know we could.. we could run away'; blablablaaa...





';Since I was kind of in shock, I didn’t know what to do besides sit.'; KINDA?!





You seem to have an opposite sentence variety thing going on. While usually writers have mostly long sentences and once in a while have short ones to bring emphasis to whats happening, you have a LOT of short sentences, and because of that, it doesn't flow as evenly as it should. When you have that many short sentences in a row its kind of off-putting. It's an ok plot and all, but you need to work on your sentence structure because you might loose your audience if you keep this up, no matter how good the story it. After you're done writing a couple sentences, go over it again and read it out loud to yourself, that should help you see the places that can come across as awkward.





Those were just some suggestions that really stuck out to me, I know you are a younger writer, and you say ';give me some slack'; but if you want to be taken seriously at all you need to be always getting better and stuff : )





I'm NOT putting your ideas down at all, because I believe that you can become a great writer, but we all have to learn the traits and how to do all this ';stuff';. If you want any more help, feel free to email me, I'm always open to help a fellow writer : )How do i make part of my romantic novel like a dream?
I love It so much.......... Do these character charts to help though http://www.eclectics.com/articles/charac…





oh and the rest of my story is posted on this webpage





libbiaswritings.web.com
Describe each scene change as a blur of colors. Make it very symbolic... It needs to have elements of what happens in her life mixed in.