Will the Lord forgive me for the sins I committed against my ex-husband?

I really don't know where to began.





I feel most times the Lord/God is going to kill me because of my growing reality (as I mature and become more knowledgeable) in what the Lord/God expected/expects of me...I failed.





I know now how important it is to raise your children from birth in church. I believe now more than ever that, that should have been listed as the 11th Commandment.





Children must be, should be...raised in the church.





If you believe in the Lord such as I (but I didn't know his word)...imagine it--the Lord/God would be the proudest parent of all. He would no longer be sad because we learned early to walk in his light and though we would sometimes fall off the beaten path---it would be much, much easier to find our way back.





God would always be our conscience because of our early teachings of him.





I wish now I was raised with the knowledge of him. I would still be with my husband. I loved him so much. I still do. But I did not realize as it says in (NAS, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7) that love is unconditional to that extreme. That although the wrongs I suffered from him, they did not have to be my battle alone but the Lords.





Why do we have to be hard-hearted and hard-headed? I was so busy trying to get him to understand how bad he hurt me that I could not see any other way. Trying to get him to see what I thought was ';common sense'; issues and events.





Now you're saying, ';well, if I am to help you or try an answer your ?tion, I need to know a little about what happened to cause the break-down in your marriage';.





We had wonderful chemistry. When he spoke I was mesmerized on his words as he is very knowledgable and smart. He even had what I thought to be knowledge of the bible and because I had none I thought he was smarter than me but...





I should have never married him to begin with because he had life-baggage that at the time I was not equipped mentally to deal with i.e I was young-minded and strong-willed. I had/have one son by another (I know...born out of sin. I have asked the Lords forgiveness on that.)





When we met (husband), what I liked about him was that he was drug-free and unmarried. I knew he had 2 children. Ok..Now the truth. After about 8 months I find out...





He was a marijuana smoker--Lie #1. He had 2 children which in 2 days turned to 5 children total--Lie #2. He was still married to a wife which I knew not existed (though he was seperated for 9 years)--Lie #3 (and the biggest if I had t choose.) I was however, in love with him by this time.





I figured I loved him, didn't want to be without him, he eventually gave up the marijuana, although it was difficult adjustment playing mom to kids whose mother was irresponsible and into drugs never-the-less my heart softened and I loved them and tried to show, give them that family stability. I tried to instill discipline (punishments not whoopings although I'm not against them), chores which I was the only one giving to my son and his children but as most step children they complained to him and he 85% of the time took their side.





He finally after us breaking up several times got his divorce and we eventually married. 5 years behind us. The next 3 years I had to deal with mentally being made to feel like I was not a good parent to his children because when he/they would attack my lone parenting skills--I did not know how to effectively defend myself, to make him understand that I am doing all I can but I was so angry with his lack of commitment to me as his wife, that he was always more concerned how his children felt when it was their turn to ';wash dishes'; (example) that I became overwhelmed with poor-self esteem. I became hateful toward them for having more love from their father than I did. If I put one on punishment...he pardoned them. I was pitted against children whose place was before me! To this day my step daughter whom I talk to sometimes calls me and always talks about how our long talks has helped her. How she understands now that she is grown, why I did the things I did. How my step son who is now in prison for murder (he was 15 at the time 26 now but my love and discipline alone was not enough to save from damage that his mom inflicted on him) tells me I gave him more love than he could have ever had.





It effected everything about my woman-hood which means---our marriage-bed became infected with my thoughts that how dare you treat me the way you do and then expect me to be a welcoming participant in bed? I became violent towards him (not the children and they never saw it from me) because I had no outlet but anger. Sheer anger. Other area's in our life affected this so don't think-- ';is that all';??? Kids??...No, there was his youngest-child mother calling and saying unspeakable things about him and her. Him, telling me just to ignore her ';she's crazy';...he would say. She came to our home once. This situation with her had been going on BEFORE we got married but it was 'light' and before our marriage-bed had been compromised by me. Yes, I am at fault with that because I now know that, that was definitely the wrong feeling to have. Finances was another. Finally, I just had a nervous break down and I couldn't take it.





I guess the problem is why couldn't I have been a submissive wife. I feel that even though I strongly believe he was not a productive husband nor a strong provider and not nearly half as supportive to me as I to him and his children. Not putting a stop to the 'outside' interference that caused me to lash out. I believe he loved the drama between me and the 'other'. He always said I don't treat him like no man. I always said: I should not be acting as head when you see fit. You should be head all the times and if you let me in front of you then I will get comfortable there.





I now know that if my tongue would have been bridled and I could have spoken softer would I--could I have turned him around to respect me as his wife more.





I left him. When I left I had been the only one working for the last 1 1/2 years while he was waiting on a check because he injured his back so bad that he couldn't 'work' no more but he could still go play basketball and get under a car. I loved him still. But I was exhausted and I started to hate him also. I wanted my marriage but we needed space. I needed space. He lead me to believe that he was working with me. But there was another woman I found out about and it crushed me. How could he? He knew I still loved him, that even though I was not in the home I was still his wife. However, he just viewed it as


I left him. Left the door open for another to step in. I never, even when I was in the house dealing with all this, this stress never even thought of another man. I love my husband and I left to save my marriage if you can understand that not to end it.





However, I know that it also failed because I can't/couldn't...we couldn't do it without the Lords intervention. I was so hurt but I still tried to work it out after I found out about the other woman (not childs mother).





But they were just 'coming out the wood' work even after he said we could work it out.





To sum it all up...after 2 years of our seperation he ended up living with a woman. Feeling defeated, and hurt-- I have had (unfortunately) a few relationships since. I told him I wanted him back. I wanted to come back home. Wanted to work our marriage out because I had learned what it was I that I did wrong by talking to him like he was less than a man when he made me angry. He didn't acknowledge anything on his part. Ok..that's fine all I know is I am your wife, I still love you and with the new knowledge I have learned about a wifes position...I still want our marriage. I am your wife. He told me that he wanted it too! Joy over 4 to 5 months of anticipation turned to misery because I am wondering why he hasn't told this person who lives with him. How long must I wait I ask? ';You are my wife. You wait as long as need be';. Though I thought that unfair, I opened the door...by leaving...so I waited.





And waited. A whole year--I waited. Sending letters pleading. He giving me empty encouragement. He told me he didn't love her. That he just had to find the right time to tell her. Until, one day I just broke down in my lonely apartment crying and I called him and asked him how he can live right in Gods eyes living with a woman and have a wife. I asked that if he doesn't want to reconcile our marriage... to divorce me. I would pay for it but release me. ';No';. He replied, ';Nobody judges me but God and I'll take my punishment when it comes';.





Surfice to say I did divorce him. I felt I had no choice. I honestly felt at that time that God finally forgave me for my sins against my husband. He who I was suppose to respect as 'head of the house'. I am built for marriage. I like being his wife. I loved living Gods way even if I did not completely understand exactly what that entailed-- I loved it. Therefore, I want to be married again. For one, I am not perfect I have had intercourse since then. I hate that he made us with such weak flesh. The other and main reason is I want to show God, I get it now.





I am engaged to a wonderful God-Fearing man and I do love him. I don't know if it is the same as my husband but I love him. I am making a big move and the question is now getting to me ';has God really forgiven me';.





Will he kill me for trying to get it right. Will he forgive me and not send me to hell. I cry so hard when I pray to him and ask for him to tell me because I want so bad for him to understand that my whole path in life even if I make these dumb mistakes is to show him I read his plan for man and woman and that I am one of his children who will make his heart happy.





But when I read 1 Corinthians 7: several verses on marriage


I feel like I have not been forgiven and that if I remarry he will kill me.





I want him to love me and forgive me and I tear up now even typing this because I am so confused and scared of what he is going to do to me.





I love the Lord and only want him to be proud of me. I want to know if he will bless my marriage.





I wish he could tell me himself.Will the Lord forgive me for the sins I committed against my ex-husband?
Oh, wow. I'm glad that you're happy with your faith, and that's great, but don't think you're going to die because you didn't know god the first part of your life..... In my opinion, if you chose god, it makes you closer to him, more so than if you were indoctrinated from childhood.





second, are you seriously feeling bad that you didn't accept that your ex husband abused you? Do you really think that God wants you to be hurt and disrespected like that? wow... God gives us free will, right? well, he gave your ex husband free will to hurt you, and he gave you free will to either stay and let him, or leave. so, you chose to leave. good for you. too bad more people don't. And you seriously think that he would have stayed if you'd become a doormat? what is wrong with women these days that think the only way to be happy is to be with a man? if he doesn't like it, he can leave, at least, that's my opinion. 8 years happy with my man, and he knows where he stands. Right beside me. Not in front of me, not above me, beside me. My Equal. My friend, my confidant. My partner - and if at any given time I corrected his daughter and he went against me, that'd be the end of it. I'd say, 'Fine, it's all up to you now, and i'm done with it'. And he knows it, and wouldn't even imagine going against me, and vise versa - parenting is a partnership, it's hard enough having the kids team versus the parents, let alone having parent against parent too. And if God thinks that i'm a bad wife for being outspoken and strong-willed, then i don't need that kind of god. Why would I want to please someone or something that wants to keep me under thier feet? Am I supposed to be a second to a man? I don't think so. tha'ts just silly.








guess that's why i'm not Christian anymore... and get this,,,, i did know god from childhood. Didn't make that much of a difference, except give me more ground to base my opinions of hypocracy and double standards on.





Blessed Be, )O( STBWill the Lord forgive me for the sins I committed against my ex-husband?
Ask God for Confirmation. You will know it when you hear it.
Yes. Read Psalm 103.


Part of it says, '; He will not always accuse,


nor will he harbor his anger forever;





10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve


or repay us according to our iniquities.





11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,


so great is his love for those who fear him;





12 as far as the east is from the west,


so far has he removed our transgressions from us.





Once you confess them, they are wiped out. God has forgotten. No need to keep asking for forgiveness.






If you are repentant and sorry for your sins I believe with all my heart that God has forgiven you .


Your story was much too long for a question here so I'll be truthful and tell you that I did not read all of it .


I just believe that all God wants is repentance -not long explanations.


Go in peace dear , and trust in the forgiveness of God.
If you have accepted Jesus into your life to be your Savior and Lord, there is nothing that God will not forgive. The only unforgivable sin is rejecting Jesus by continuing to live your own way instead of God's way. If you accept Jesus, you will NOT go to hell. This is the Good News that God promises. It doesn't matter how bad the things you did were before. In fact, all sin is the same in God's eyes. If you want to spend eternity in heaven with God, all you have to do is accept Jesus. Do you believe that God sent Jesus, His son, to die on the cross for our sins? Do you believe that God raised Him from the dead? If so, you can be saved right here, right now. Just pray right now:





Dear Lord Jesus, i believe that you are God's son. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and i believe that you rose again the 3rd day. I'm so sorry for my sins. Please forgive me for all my sins. I promise to turn away from my sins by following you. Jesus, i pray that you will come into my life to be my Savior and Lord. Thank you for giving me your gift of salvation. Amen.





Remember that God does not care about the words you say so much as the attitude of your heart. If you prayed this prayer or a prayer similar to the one above and truly meant it with all your heart, you are now saved and you have eternal life now and you will spent eternity with God forever :) I will pray for you that you will accept Jesus. Oh, and here's a website you should check out for more info about how to be saved:


http://www.chuckbaldwinlive.com/salvatio鈥?/a>





God Bless