Sick of husband. Who is right?

I’m exhausted. I have a very stressful job, I’m working on finishing my MBA and to top it all off I’m trying to start up a business on the side so we can have an additional income to replace my husband’s. He wants to quit the military. I’m working my butt off to find a way out for him. We also have a baby who is 9 months old.


I ask him to take care of the baby while I study, so he takes him into the room and plays video games while the baby naps. Mind you, the baby never naps with me. I make sure he’s good and tired by the time bedtime comes around. Letting him nap so close to bedtime causes him to wake up several times in the night. And who gets up to sooth him? Me, of course.


I have some post-baby weight to lose. Quite a few pounds in fact, so I started low carbing. I decided I wanted to make stuffed mushrooms tonight so I asked him to get specific ingredients I’m allowed to eat. He decides to cook. Usually I cook, clean and have time to study. But because he decided to cook tonight I didn’t get a chance to read. I had to take care of our son. He added other ingredients I’m not supposed to have and thus I said I couldn’t eat it. Now he’s throwing a tantrum.


So, to recap:


I’m pissed because he’s not helping me with the baby so I can study.


Household responsibilities, income and parenting duties fall solely on my shoulders.


I haven’t slept for 3 hours straight in weeks.


He’s not respecting my choice to diet, even though he often refuses to eat what I cook because he ate out or rather have a sandwich.


… he’s pissed because he “slaved” tonight over stuffed mushrooms and I won’t eat them.


Last weekend we went to Vegas because his family wouldn’t come down all the way to CA. So, you guessed it, I had to miss work, do school on the road and really, really not sleep. I had 30 minutes to submit a paper online. He bitched for 15 of those minutes because he wanted me to submit it his way. The paper almost got submitted late because of his hard head.


I don’t think he loves me anymore. I think he’s only with me because I can make decent money so he can get out of the military. I mean, if he really loved me he would understand right? He would be more helpful with everything and not feel like man of the year because he washed a dish. If he really loved me it would have taken him one time of me telling him how I felt in order to stop this selfish behavior. That’s what I think. Should I leave him? I don’t believe I need this stress. And the loneliness!!This is not even my country and I’d love to go back home with my family and friends. I’m only here because he was assigned here. I don’t think it’s worth it. Am I wrong? What are your thoughts?Sick of husband. Who is right?
As soon as I read the sentence you wrote:


';I’m working my butt off to find a way out for him. ';





WHY oh why... would you take on the responsibility of another ADULT?





A way out for him... ? Are you serious... since when is it YOUR responsibility to complete your husbands life endeavors? Its NOT!





You are a mother... you should be doing that for your child, secure your childs future together.... but you absolutely do not take over or take responsibility for what your husband should be doing for HIMSELF. And as long as you act as your husbands mother, you cannot expect him to stop acting as your child. Know your role as his wife... NOT his mama.





By taking on the task of running your husbands life the way you want it... you are denying him the right to be human and an adult.... and I can GUARANTEE you, it won't be long until he resents you for this.





You are NOT doing HIM any favors by ';finding a way out for him'; .... he's a grown *** man... so let him be a grown man and you be his wife. your partners, not mama and child.... partners, equals... don't run his life for him, be a partner to him.Sick of husband. Who is right?
hes a loser
u need to talk to him not too us ... try and work it out, dont just pack up and leave ... good luck
its not right.. the least he could do is take care of the house and the baby...i mean hes not working, and he should def respect you. I would talk to him about how you feel...and make your decision about leaving from there
You know what, I feel exactly the same way! My husband-to-be is exactly the same.. The only difference is that he is the one working, not me, but I am not allowed to touch any of the money.. My life sucks!! I feel like he doesnt love me anymore either!


After all I am a true believer that things will get better, so I try to occupy my 5 minute breaks with nice dreams.. I keep thinking of the future of my daugther and stuff and that makes me feel better... After all do you want you baby to grow up without a daddy?! I know it's stressful for you, but think about your child! At least this is what I do! I try not to think of myself :) I hope this helps you!
your tired and stressed how can you make a rational decision





here is a question, if he loves you he would understand, what if he does understand but disagrees


or why does it only work your way ?


what if you realy loved him you would understand?





your nuts through tiredness


dont make a big decision when your crazy
all i have to say is AMEN to what Redhead said!
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but a lot of this is your fault. I understand, I have been in similar positions myself before. The thing is, it sounds like you do all of this to be the martyr. You feel that he is incompetent. If you didn't feel that he was incompetent, you wouldn't make sure the baby was tired before handing him over to your husband. You wouldn't feel the need to do everything you can to get him out of the military. You wouldn't go to Vegas with him when you don't have the time or resources to do so.





While you may be at fault here-(and so is he), the good news is that YOU are the one who can change things! Either he's not really that incompetent, and you can give him more resposibilities-(he probably won't do things the same way as you, but give him a chance. There's often more than one road that leads to the same destination). So if he's not really that incompetent, give him a chance to prove it to you. If he is that incompetent-(he wouldn't take care of the baby at all), then obviously he's not worth staying with.





My suggestion is for you to get some counseling. A counselor can help point out places where you can both improve, help you guys learn to LISTEN to each other and express yourselves in more effective ways, and get back on track if that's what you want to do.





I know where you're coming from, I've been there, but I learned that sometimes a leap of faith can bring you a much needed pleasant surprise! Good luck! I hope this helps!
You are both stressed out I call it Too much on your plates.There have been lab tests on putting small animals in a confined space and every time they attack each other,That is exactly what is happening realizing the problem is the first step and yes he is probably also questioning your relationship so you really need to sit down and work out ways to relive this stress,make a list The baby losing sleep puts you in the position of irritability is there any way to get someone you trust to take the baby and entertain until bedtime for a few bucks so he gets the quiet time he needs and you get to sleep through the night or someone to come in sleep on a makeshift bed and wake up for the baby giving you sleep you desperately need?where there is a will there is a way.As far as the special diet and him wanting a banana for doing something that you feel he should be doing It is just the result of the stress and I am sure if you had time like you had before all this came about you would be holding each other and working it out.So just one other thing get fixed unless you want another item on your plate(yes I know I am not subtle)LOOK FOR SOLUTIONS NOT GIVING UP YOUR BABY DESERVES THE TWO PARENT FAMILY YOU PROMISED HIM OR HER)I also agree with the redhead to some extent but you do not need to get all up in his face about it,and what you are doing for him is really not a good attitude you need to be doing it for your marriage your child and my question is what will HE BE DOING AFTER MILITARY ?Mr mom dose not seem to suit him.
';Shouldn't he be more understanding?';


Your plate is too full.


You have been ignoring him for at least nine months.


If he treated you like you are treating him right now, you would leave him no questions asked.


You have made him into an accessory of your life. He's a decoration.


And he feels just like that too. That's why he's pissed all the time; it's a defense mechanism against intense sadness.





When was the last time you were proud of him? Told him so?


Told him thank you for something he did do?


Of course you haven't. You're doing it all yourself, you don't need him for anything.





You are both stressed from the changes that children bring.


You are (grossly) over-functioning and he is under-functioning.





You should take a poll about how many women here would like their man to cook dinner once in a while.





And frankly, your guy probably never going to again. Why should he?


If you cooked dinner and he /refused/ to eat it, you would be upset too.


Our children get sent to bed with a glass of water and piece of bread if they act like that.


Would you have made just the diet-dinner? To feed your marine?


Would he have eaten it and said thanks, or bitched about it just like you?





You both need a break and need to reconnect with each other. This is not a good time to be working and going to school. That was a bad decision. You are paying for it with your marriage.





You are also suffering from a provider instinct; emotionally you want him to be the provider but he's not and you are resenting him for it. It's not his fault you work and have a better job. Keep your work out of your marriage; it doesn't matter who does what or how much you make.


Chores are also not really part of your marriage. If you were alone, you would have to do everything. Objectively anything he does ought to make your life easier. Negotiate for change and ask him nicely to do more things. Don't discount things he does that do not take place inside the home or not in the kitchen. Mowing the lawn and cleaning the gutters, cleaning the cat litter, are all also chores that need to be done. Cooking, frankly, is one of the more enjoyable ones. Laundry and dishes are primarily done by a machine; all you really do is collect the crap and sort it a bit.





First you have to accept the status quo. It's not easy when you feel under-appreciated and taken advantage of. Then you need to start negotiating for change in small doses.


If your spouse does something, you don't get to choose how it's done.