How Do You Move On and Turn off your Feelings?

2 weeks ago, my husband of 3. 5 years told me he wants a divorce. I am so heartbroken and devestated, I don't know where to begin. He basically told me he has just fallen out of love with me and he feels like there is no chemistry left (which I think is a total crock) We were still actively making love.





Don't get me wrong, we had our stupid arguements, and I think I should mention my husband was in the military for 8 years and after his trip to Iraq lives with PTSD daily. He broke down to me about a week ago, and was crying and told me he feels numb and he pushed me the furtherest away from him.





I told him I would do whatever it took to save our marriage, but he just doesn't seem to care. He told me his decision is final and he can't help how he feels.





I also need to mention we have a 3 year old son, an 8 month old daughter, and I just learned I am 6 weeks pregnant and he still wants to walk! I don't understand.





Why can't he try one more time, why can't I get through to him. I love him, we just need to work on communication...but he just doesn't seem to give one darn lick.





Any suggestions? I am scared of being a single mom and embarassed to go back home alone with 2 small kids and another on the way to a man who basically is tossing us out on the curb. Please help!How Do You Move On and Turn off your Feelings?
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I'm not sure how to address this, as this is becoming a significant problem. Someone you might consider talking to is Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She's a radio psychologist whose own son is in Iraq. I imagine she's preparing herself for the possibility of him returning with the condition, and his mother may be the last person he will talk to.





All my best and hope the two of you will get past this.





Here's some of her books that may help.





Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Proper-鈥?/a>





The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Pro鈥?/a>





Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage, Your Life


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Woman-P鈥?/a>How Do You Move On and Turn off your Feelings?
my husband in the mideast said that too, after 24 years, dont go anywhere are you serious, see if he leaves---he needs counseling, go to a bible preaching church, talk to a pastor, maybe the pastor will talk to him, do not leave. being the mideast is almost destroying my husband's humanity, but read the bible, be around encouraging Godly women.
You cannot get through to him because of his PTSD. That is a serious disorder that needs professional attention. He needs to get help if he has not already done so. Even when he does it may still take time to recover. Don't give up on your children's father. He will improve with the right help and with time. Don't be embarrassed. He is ill and needs help. Good luck and be strong.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Don't worry about being embarrassed go home, you need the support of your family and friends. Make him pay child support.
Lady I think that he needs help more than you can provide. it might help bring the marriage back or not. But he needs serious help.


you have my prayers.
All I am going to say, God made us mothers for a reason, never give up. You will do a wonderful job. I always say things and circumstances have a purpose, no matter how difficult they may seem. Think of your children right now. I know the pain right now is difficult and you in pain but think of your children they all need a strong mother right now.





I suggest you call his family, explain what is going on, maybe they can help him see that his decision is a mistake. As it is understandable that he is giong thru a traumatic experience, he does need counceling. Maybe you can suggest that to him, too.





If that doesn't work then you have a long journey. But a geat one.





So don't be afraid, your not alone, if you have faith, with God's help you will be fine. just trust.





Good luck
Don't be scared. Put your stuff together and leave.


He has his own mental issues, very serious one. What he needed was intense psycho therapy, not a wife, not children. He is no longer functioning. That doesn't mean he turned himself into a monster, don't get me wrong. But when depression, other mental illness such as PTSD hits somebody, their brain chemistry got interrupted. They no longer are themselves.


Encourage him to seek professional help. Meanwhile, make yourself safe.
First of all, I have a relative in the Army, who has also been to Iraq. So, I know all too well what you are going through dealing with someone with PTSD. It basically destroys their lives, and I personally don't think that the military is doing enough to debrief and support troops who have served in those harsh conditions.





Secondly, your husband needs help. PTSD will cause a person to go into withdrawal. I seriously would not take it personal. If anything, I'd be pissed at the Army. Try to get him help. If he refuses it, all you can do is pray for him. God changes people when we cannot. Considering what your husband has gone through, I would not say that your marriage is hopeless or your husband is 100% serious. He does, however, need to work through his emotional and mental baggage from the war. I have known of perfectly good men and husbands who were the ideal boyfriend/spouse prior to being deployed and returned home abusing their wives and etc. It is serious. He needs to talk to someone. Meanwhile, you have to be strong for you and the children. They may not understand why their father has done a 360.





If all else fails, you may need to separate until he is able to work through things. I've heard that if you love a person, set them free. If they return to you, then it was meant to be. Who knows?





I really wish you well...





Be Blessed!
You need to get over that feeling of emptiness


And the fears of unknown...


You must understand a love relationship always has its beginning and ending...





Accept the fact that the person you were with is no longer there for you


But you still have your kids.
You are not dealing with the man you once married,He got problems from his army time, he needs to reconnect to his family and family life, there ain't such thing called falling out of love, and I'd bet my money that he has no other woman in his life, it is the PTSD talking, and PTSD doing his decisions. It is more like you are dealing with a medical condition on his part than with a troubled marriage.


He needs to understand that,clearly,because making decisions at this point of his life,would only result negatively on him,you and the KIDS!!!!





I wish I knew how to talk sense into him, my best suggestion would be trying to have his close family to talk to him, best friend, some ppl of influence in his life, and maybe he will be set straight.





You are doing great by standing by him and by your marriage and kids.


I wish you the best!
Have you tried to tell him to go look for help for his PTSD? I bet it's the PTSD talking. I am sorry for your situation, this has to be hard but please don't give up yet, I think any marriage is worth saving especially when children are involved. Hang in there a little longer and I really think it's his PTSD talking and not his normal self, get him help - I believe it's the truth when they said ';you push people you love the most when you in desperate need of help the most'; and I hope everything is going to work out. Good luck!
My heart goes out to all of you. I deal with situations all the time at work with good folks living with PTSD, and its a tough thing to have to live with. The most successful outcomes I've seen are when the veteran seeks help through peer counseling, and the spouse (and children if old enough) seek counselling, all through the Vet Centers that are throughout the nation. Even his parents are eligible for this counseling.





If he chooses not to go to counseling, you should still go so that you can better understand him, the illness he is dealing with, and especially yourself. Do NOT use his behavior as judgement of yourself. The counselors will help you understand PTSD as well as yourself. They will give each of you strength, encouragement and tools to work with through this difficult time and will give you guidance that will help you from enabling his behavior to worsen whether you are married or not. His peers will be a good ear and will help him put things into perspective. If you both do this, even if you separate, at least you will all be healthier and better able to make the best of a bad situation. Also make sure he is receiving maximum benefits from the VA (compensation) in addition to his VA hospital benefits. That will ease any financial situations as well.
Wow! I'm so sorry that you're hurting.


I don't know if I'll be much help advice wise, but I can say prayers for you and your situation. Are you a Christian? Perhaps someone at church can help with counseling.


I know people will probably be pretty harsh and tell you he is a jerk or selfish, but the truth is, his mind isn't working correctly so that is the place to start.


My suggestion would be to continue to be a loving wife...even if you don't feel like it. Not smothering, but loving. Maybe during a time when you two are in a pretty good conversation you can suggest the counseling.


I'm sure sorry you are hurting and will pray for you.