Why does my husband think that when you have children you can carry on the way you did before?

My husband and I married in 2007 when we were 24 and we have been together since we were 18. In 2008 I fell pregnant and it was a bit of a shock. To be honest I was elated but my husband was not. He basically ignored me for 9 months and showed no joy or excitment for the arrival of our new baby. Which I found almost unbearble. When my son was born in OCtober last year obviously I was delighted and so was he and I know he loves him. My husband works full time and he often described his up and coming paternity leave as a 'holiday' whereas I was thinking this is going to be really hard work for both of us how is it going to be a holiday..how I was to be corrected. My husband decided this would be a good time for him to go out with his friends until 2am. At one point I was do delirious and nausous from lack of sleep with my tiny baby I nearly fell down the stairs with my son. I kept saying you need to help me but he refused. When he went back to work he said that he didnt need to help as he was working full time although in my view you need to pull together no matter what surely? If someone is so delerious from lack of sleep you should help them no matter what right? Well my son is now 9 months and I Have to say that I have done every night feed, apart from the odd nappy I do everything. My husband every weekend sleeps until midday whilst I get up at 5am every morning. I confront him and say you know maybe I might like a bit of sleep and he says ';why should I change the way I live for a kid?';. He thinks its fine to just get up when he wants run a bath make a fry up when ever and that in a way we are running completely separate lives he is up until 1am watching horror films while I am shattered by 7pm! When it comes to our relationship he thinks that no relationship if it is right needs work. This means that I am constantly frustrated because I think that when you come accross a problem you should work it out together..give and take but I hit a wall every single time. It doenst matter how much you love someone you got to work together to make it work right? Sorry for long ramble but I really need him to see that he is wrong on all levels about this - relationships need work and children need their parents to put them first - (he told me last wkend that he puts himself first! )HELP!!!! I have also suggested recently that if we did separate any judge will say to him that he will have to have his son every other wkend and half the holidays ( I am returning to work full time) and he will be like umm no I cant I cant get up before midday your honour!Why does my husband think that when you have children you can carry on the way you did before?
Hi there, im really sorry that you feel this way but have every right to - I would confront him and tell him everything you feel and want from him, it needs to be said as I don't think your marriage will work like this - he needs to understand what it is like to be a parent - Dads get away with it far to often - even threaten to leave him, he may even spend more time with his Son if your apart, im not saying you want to or have to leave him but he needs a reality check - he will walk all over you if he doesn't!


Good luck with the future - let me know how you get on?





From a Married Mum of 2 xWhy does my husband think that when you have children you can carry on the way you did before?
Basically, because you can. If he's got a job, then he's meeting all of his obligations.
What a dick he@d!


Leave him. If he's not helping now,


he never will.
Because he is a Man love, you just cannot win!
Unfortunatley there are alot of blokes out there that are like this,,i know a few.


I have two boys aged 2%26amp;3,,and it is very exausting ! I really feel for you hun because this should such a joyess occasion for the three of you.


The answer is simple yet very negative im afraid,,he will not change, believe me. People who have this attitude are selfish and always will be. Like i said , i know blokes like this,,out at the pub 24/7,,,lying in bed until midday,,sitting infront of the telly allday and night. They have always been the same and always will,,they have no relationship with thier partners or children. To me its very sad,,but needs to nipped in the bud,,evan if it means you seperating, as this might (just might) scare the life out of him and give him the kick he needs.


Ironically,,im in the opposite situation,,i work full time,,do all the house work,,all the shopping,,bath and put the kiddies to bed,,take them out at weekends....i could go on.


Whats the point in being in that relationship if there is no relationship and no input what so ever from your partner ??


Hope this helps evan if its not the magical answer your looking for.


Good luck - J
unfortunatly this is a really common occurance when baby comes along. What you now have is a large teenage son living in your house which is of no use to you atall.





i think its time to tell him you need a real husband and father you have a baby and want a man who can take care of you both and not an added burden - tbh youd be better off on your own from experiences ive heard men like this never change





youl get so tired youl decide to break up with him just so he can take a turn of the baby
Speaking from experience, your doing this all on your own now, I would just take my son and leave, do you really want to live the next 20 or 40 years like this. Take my word for it if you don't make a move you and your son will have no quality of life with this man.