Should I leave my husband?

I need some advice on if I should leave my husband or not. All of my friends (and most of my family) think I should.





We've been together for 10 1/2 yrs, but only married for 1 1/2 yrs. We've been through every up %26amp; down possible....except one. I recently found out that during our engagement, he was seeking out a gay guy for sexual gratification. (I had NO CLUE that he was even bisexual!!) Though he claims he never actually cheated, I still feel/think he did cheat by going outside of our engagement to seek sexual gratification by another human being. I've also been discovering that he's been watching gay porn.





Had I had known all of these years that he was bisexual, I would have not married him. I feel like I was lied to and tricked into getting married to somebody that I thought I knew, and clearly did not. (He hid it very, very well.)





Also, he has physically threatened me twice by lunging at me once and the smacking his hand inches away from face (as if he wanted to hit me). This was earlier this year and hasn't happened before or since. I grew up in an abusive home and I know this is how abuse starts.





On top of all that, we've had other issues as well: we haven't had sex in nearly 5 months (he keeps asking me for anal sex which he knows I don't like), sex the past year has been HORRIBLE (he doesn't kiss me ever, no foreplay, and will have sex with me before I'm even wet...which feels like being raped sometimes), he never cares if I have an orgasm or not %26amp; he's ';done'; in less than 5 mins, he always ';falls asleep'; on the couch %26amp; never sleeps with me anymore (though he's been trying this week ever since I brought up the idea of getting divorced), and he's just pure lazy. He never takes out the dog, the trash, cleans, etc...nor does he cuddle with me, kiss me, or shows me that he loves me in any way (though he claims he is very much in love with me and wants me to stay).





Yesterday, he made a comment about a girl friend of mine that I didn't like...he said...





';Some random chick can make you laugh until you have tears in your eyes, but when I tell you a joke, you don't laugh.';





First off, that ';random chick'; is my best friend and I've known her for nearly 20 years. Secondly, my husband makes lame jokes that aren't even funny %26amp; that's why I don't laugh..simply because they're not funny.





I'm getting fed up (if not already totally fed up) with him %26amp; I want to leave. But I'm scared that I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life. He has a GREAT job, he wants kids (we don't have any) %26amp; so do I, he has great benefits...he's ';good on paper';. But I can't get over the fact that he is bisexual %26amp; I can't help but to wonder if he's thinking of a guy when I give him oral sex. Not to mention, he could have cheated on me already %26amp; I just don't know about it.





I'm barely 29 yrs old, I'm pretty, I don't have any kids, I'm funny, I'm a hopeless romantic, and very sexual. I think I'll be able to find another man that makes me happy...that I have no doubt. But I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that leaving him is indeed the right thing to do.





Is it?Should I leave my husband?
Well thinking about where his penis might have been then reading about you giving him oral sex almost made me vomit.





Hon damn the good job, benefits etc etc. Go find happiness and for the love of banana milk a man that is not threatening an abusive marriage.





Bi sexual, uh huh ';Buh Bye Babe!'; It would be different if he had been honest about his sexuality up front, but now he is a liar, a possible cheater, and a plan ol' cheat (hiding his sexuality is a cheat).





You have the right idea and I know it's scary, but you are in the prefect position to GET OUT! No children yet, you can make a clean break.





I am sorry for your loss, but you will be fine!Should I leave my husband?
Dumped that pickle kisser and find a real man before you get infected with the AIDS virus and other crap you can't get rid of.





I feel awful for you..
You two should get some counseling. It's obvious that you are not communicating with each other. I think your husband's actions are a big cry for help.
Why are you still there. Go with your gut and advice and run -


There is a better life / partner for you.
Yes, I think leaving is a good idea.
yes leave i didnt have to read the book
dump him tonight good luck not worth living with this .......
be a doll,grab me a beer,and get out of the way,you are blocking my tv....
Dump him-before you lose all self worth. You're better than that. It's never too late.
dump him
leave him
But I'm scared that I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life....I feel like that sometimes. I truely don't know you situation,but thats up to you to decide, whether or not to leave.


If you say that you are very sexual then you should understand his situation about be bi sexual, because he is very sexual like you too!


You need to take CONTROL of the situation here! You need to be his fullest pleasure possible and not the other guy!!!


You need to initate the afterburners. I think that other guy is after him and trying to take -steal him away from you. Be careful because other men WILL ROB AWAY your husband from you!! Don't forget, your husband IS your very own sexual pleasure.


I have a gay friend, who tells me to divorce my wife just to be with him. You see what I am telling you! Hey! I am funny too!





Happy Halloween 2009
Yes, leave him.





The facts that he is abusive (emotional abuse is just as bad as physical), doesn't care about your feelings, and shows he does not love you, are reasons enough to leave him.


Don't stay with him just because he looks good on paper. You'll only be miserable due to his abuse and lies.


You're only 29. You'll be able to find someone better.
Oh no, please leave this guy. Who wants to be married to a man who would rather be with a man then a beautiful young lady like yourself.


He says he loves you , but maybe he is in denial and doesn't want you to leave then he would have to face reality.


There is so much more that life has to offer, leave this fool and make a better life for yourself.


Be strong and take care.
Wave bye bye.


Is this all in addition to your concerns from six months ago? Wondering why you have waited....


------


';Are we headed for a divorce?


Here's just a list of some ';red flags'; and I'm pretty sure I know the answer, just looking for outside opinions.





*We have sex maybe once every 45 days (and he's horrible at it).


*He never sleeps in bed, always sleeps on the couch no matter how many times I try to get him into bed with me.


*Goes drinking 3-5 times a week w/ his best friend


*Stays out until 3am-5am when he's playing poker ';with the boys';.


*He has come very close to hitting me twice (this is my biggest problem, obviously).


*He doesn't want to get counseling.


*Spends ';his money'; (his words, not mine) anyway he wants to and thinks I'm treating him like a baby when I ask to see his paychecks so I can balance bills each month.


*He actually throws tantrums and talks in a mentally-challenged voice at me and screams at me every single time there's an argument.





I'm only 28 yrs old, no kids, and I really don't want to stick around and wait for him resort back to the person I fell in love with. This is not him. Though he's had flaws (as does everyone including myself!), we've never had these many problems and his anger is getting WAYYYY out of control. I've even seen him clinch his fist %26amp; ****-back his arm to the dog (yes, if I move, I will be taking the dog!!!! No question about it!)';
You didn't mention how long you were engaged. But from what you said, it doesn't make sense that you'd have a problem NOW about things that happened THEN (before you were married). Also, how are your friends and family in this? What goes on in your household should stay there and it seems really immature to have a conversation with friends about the sexual habits of your husband.





Other than that, I can promise you that if your husband wanted to follow through with being with a guy, he could've. Do you have any idea how big the DL community is? There is no seeking out a guy when they're tons of guys willing, ready, and able to suck your husband off at any time and any where. I know guys who'd do that strictly for the fun of doing a random guy they'll never see again. So, if your husband was serious or if his curiousity was strong, he would've went through with it and it'd be much more than him just ';seeking out'; someone. In addition to that, just because a guy is bi doesn't mean he'll cheat on you. It means that he's able to physically connect with another guy and it would be the same as with a straight guy who's physically able to connect to a woman. Since you're so sexual, it seems as if the best thing for you to do is try and be there for your husband. Which means, if your husband enjoys anal stimulation, strap up and dig into him. But to me, it seems like you no longer want to be married to this guy and you're ready to move on. None of anything else you said really matters and seems like a reason to do what it is you want. There's nothing wrong with that. You two aren't compatible sexually, it seems. You guys would be doing each other a favor by moving on. So go.
Dear lady, I got really sad and upset of ur story. I thing this relationship got a predicament seriously . I think u are too young for having nice future. and also had a long experience. please help ur self and fine another one.


please do it. as u said u are nice and sexual..... u can find someone else and be sure that the next one is better than this one.....be sure.
Go ahead and cut your loses. I was with a boyfriend (who ended up fathering my child). I kinda always thought he was bi. Well, after we broke up (while I was pregnant) he starting dating guys all together.





If you stay with him, you'll only have more heart ache. I saw the signs too but chose to ignore them. It just made it harder in the long run.





Good luck.
Listen to yourself. Is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life? With this guy who shows no outward signs of love and affection, and expects you to do everything and anything for him?





If he's alsmot hitting you, which could lead to actual abuse, and he wants kids, how do you think he'll treat those kids? Is he going to act completely different around the children?





As you said yourself, you can find someone else who makes you happy. having a great job is not everything in the world. My husband and I just celebrated our 1 yr anniversary, and we're basically living paycheck to paycheck, but we have the best relationship i've seen. We've never fought ONCE, and hardly even disagree on anything.





If it happened to me, it can happen to you.





Do what makes YOU happy. You look out for #1, YOURSELF. If you're miserable, you really need to rethink where your life is heading, and how you can redirect that path.





Good luck on everything. :)
youll find some one better dump his ***. if the guy is f-ing bi then tell him that u cant stand what he has become and that he can change if he really likes you.!!!!! i know how u feel? are u happy with him? do u really want to dump him because he is different? if yeah then thats not good. we need to except people for who they are and if u cnt except that then dump him i would.
What I'm hearing is that you're married to a selfish fool of a man who's actually a latent homosexual, but you don't want to leave him because he's got a good job w/bennies.





I really don't know what your dilemma is. I would have already left.
good luck with whatever you decide but in the end it should be your decision as you have to live with it. really no one can tell you what to do in this situation.





if you despise him that much, leave him, but i personally think divorce is sad.
hell no!


you are married..


you took a vow..