Want out of my marriage. Husband doesn't think I will walk away. Need help. Any advice?

Before I start, please don't answer with ';you should try to work out the marriage'; ';you made vows, you should honor them'; ';you shouldnt have done this, your horrible'; or anything of that nature. I've been married 15 years and have tried for the last year and a half to make it work. So please, no answers like that. And I'm not trying to get any sympathy answers either to make me feel better. I just need some help.


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Ok, long story short, over the past year and a half, I have fallen in love with a man who has ALWAYS been there for me, been my shoulder to cry on, my strength when I am weak. He makes me laugh like no one else, he makes me the happiest, he makes everything so much better. When I am around him, the world disappears. He's very good looking, charming, sweet, everything a woman could possibly want. He's my very best friend and one of the few friends I have.





I never acted on these feelings until the beginning of this year. I have never felt more loved, more appreciated, more cared about... Nobody knows as much about me as he does. He knows exactly what I am thinking, what I am feeling. He treats me like I am the only person that matters....he's just perfect. This is not just a phase, this is real. He's done everything for me for as long as I can remember. Everything we do is perfect. He knows exactly how to cheer me up when I am feeling down. Hes always there to catch me when I fall.





Here's the part I need help with. My husband knows about us. He asked me if I loved him and I told him I would always love him because he's the father of my children, but I am not in love with him anymore. He asked me if I was in love with my friend, and I told him yes. After that, he broke down and cried. He texted me later that day and said he had called an attorney and everything and went thru this whole spill about it.





He took a few days off of work to spend with the kids, but instead he stayed in bed those 3 days and then for the weekend. He didnt say a word to me, he just laid there and pouted. He finally got out of bed Monday and asked me how I could do this to him. How I could throw away the marriage, walk away from the family and everything. Then he went back to bed. The next day he got up and acted like nothing was wrong and has acted that way ever since. He's started doing things he's never done before like cleaning and the laundry.





He keeps saying whatever I've done, its ok. He forgives me. Its just a phase and that I dont really love my friend. I dont know any way to show him that its not a phase. That I do love my friend more than anything. There's one thing I could tell him, that I'm sleeping with my friend, but I just can't do that. For a couple of reasons. I don't want to hurt him like that, and if I do, he will probably kill my friend.





I don't know how else I can prove to him that this is not a phase. That I am really in love with my friend. That I want to walk away from the marriage, that I don't want to be with him anymore. I've told him, he just keeps saying that I can't do it.





Any advice?Want out of my marriage. Husband doesn't think I will walk away. Need help. Any advice?
What kind of advice are you looking for? Your mind is made up. You've made your decision. That leaves nothing more than to act on it. WHAT is stopping you? You don't need PERMISSION to do something you CHOOSE to do. However, I can't help but think that you are blindsided with this ';perfect'; individual who you feel makes your world. No one makes your world.....YOU make your own world. I recommend only to PLEASE do NOT open one door before closing the door behind you. Good Luck in making the very best decision for all concerned. 鈾モ櫏Want out of my marriage. Husband doesn't think I will walk away. Need help. Any advice?
Well hun,you already have the answer.Your mind is made up.What else do you want to hear?!
If you don't want to save the marriage, then leave. Just keep in mind that you and you new boyfriend run the risk of your ex suing the both of you and winning. He can sue you for alienation of affection and he can sue the BF for criminal conversation (sex with a married woman/man without spousal consent).


I don't know what else to tell you because I think you know that you are wrong; if you didn't you wouldn't have told us how to answer.
If you have tried everything you could then sometimes you just have to walk away. sometimes you just fall out of love. But it is easier to fall out of love with someone when there is already someone by the waistside. But if you truly believe you do not love him anymore then dont torture yourself in a relationship because eventually you will wind up hating each other because of this.
Your going to need to go see an attorney. Your husband has convinced himself that he can change his marriage. This is why he is making the effort to do these extra things.


You must be the stronger person and do what you know is right.
Why haven't you left your husband yet? You want to be with this other ';perfect'; man and you want to prove to your husband that it's not just a phase. So, leave him and get a divorce. I don't understand what's stopping you. Your husband is already hurt, so go ahead and rip the band-aid off so he can start to heal. As long as you stay with him while you're having an affair, you're only hurting everyone more.
You sound like you want some kind of award for only being a cheater since this year. You're pathetic.
just stop sleeping with your friend......don't let him know it will hurt him worst than before.......just tell him that u really love him .....and tell him that u guy are going to start over .....pretend nothing has happen!!!!


hpoe that helped..... :]
Hi J J, you need to leave, you can talk till your blue in the face, the only person you can convince is yourself. you know what's awful? staying in an unhappy marriage going nowhere. sure you have children, but never stay in an unhappy marriage, your children will pick up your unhappiness and will also suffer because their mother is unhappy.


Your husband pouting is just a ploy, so is pretending everything is fine, and now doing laundry after all these years, like doing that is going to make you happy. marriage is more than laundry.


I am sorry for your divorce, but I am happy that you made the decision to be happy. I wish you luck.
The only way to prove you are over your husband is to get the divorce papers.





As of right now, move out. Since your husband doesn't want to let you go, you can't just kick him out. You want to move on with your life with this other guy, so you need to move out. Take the kids or not that depends on you and your husband what you two want to do with the kids.





Get your own place to live (or move in with your friend). File for divorce. It's the only way to prove its over.
one thing i noticed is that its all about you...what did he do thats soooo bad that YOU are breaking the law and cheating on him? im sorry to say but its obvious you are just looking for attention and pity but here is a much needed news flash: when you fall in a hole you dug, no one will help you.


what you need to do is stop whining and just leave. you and your boyfriend can do whatever, but you have no right to complain when he gets someone better than you
You have been sleeping with a man, and you think he isn't going to say or do things for you. I wonder if you stopped sleeping with him, if he would still feel the same way about you. I would try that and see if the feelings are still there or if he is in it for the safe married sex. Has he asked you to divorce so you can get married? If not then beware. Your husband went to bed because he was in a deep depression, quite natural when the woman you love is going to walk out on you. Why shouldn't he cook and clean he is going to have to do it when you are gone. Might just as well start now. I really hope you know what you are doing, because if this guy is playing with you, you have thrown away your family for nothing.
My advice to you is to get an attorney asap and be sure the divorce is proceeding so that you can be with your friend. Your soon to be ex will prob file for custody of the kids and will prob get it as you will be seen as being in the wrong. He knows in his heart that this is not just a phase cause he's started doing things for himself like the laundry and cleaning, he's just in denial. You can expect all kinds of emotions from him and prob yourself, too. Divorce is death of a marriage and we all mourn death differently.
why still living under same roof this man so??





find urself place to live in and move out, file for divorce and there u go, shown to him ur really over this marriage.


whatever do dont move in with ur friend until the divorce is over with.


work out access agreement and sort out the family home, sell it and split down middle. sort out maintenace too.





that the only way going have the marriage over, if still living in the same house how else do think he going react, he simply see u still there so he thinks not going leave him and do love him.





well he had right stay in bed for those few days, he was actually depressed, upset, hurt and trying work out everything in his own mind. he saw u were still there and didnt leave so though right, she not going its all in her mind and soon fizzle out..





so let him go find somebody who will love him, pack up and go its the only way - why stay if dont love him, that makin it worse on everybody esp the kids!!!
A very dear friend of mine went through what you are going through now a number of years ago. Pretty much to the letter.





Her husband went through the divorce fairly amicably considering the circumstances and he went his way and she went to the ';other man';





Unfortunately things didn't work out so well. They seperated and she went to live with this ';wonderful man'; Turns out.. Mr. Wonderful wasnt so wonderful. For her It was a little ';grass is greener'; syndrome and it blinded her to many of the faults of the new beau. This guy was pretty smooth. Seemed like a nice guy, was a very good friend etc. But he was really attracted to the illicit affair, to love with no real strings attached. Once he had her, he was quickly bored and started an emotional affair with another woman.





Edit: Oh.. and I should add that the other man was someone she knew from high school, who was always seen as a good friend. They never seriously dated and he was an usher at thier wedding. She really thought she had someone special.





In less than a year she was miserable again and out on her own.





She tried to get back with her ex, but the divorce was almost final and he was not about to take her back. I had introduced him to a friend of mine and they hit it off immediately, so he was quite happy.





The moral here is, make sure this is really what you want to do, there is no going back
Marriage is an institution setup by the society and ancestors, but often it is a rope wound over the heart for many, and you another victim of it.





What ever we do is for happiness or for a comfortable state better than the present, and what kind of happiness is it, depends on what type of person we are.





Now you must evaluate yourself, and this is critical part. You must have sufficient points to make yourself comfortable when there is an argument between your conscious mind and conscience. If you don;t win here, you can't live happily with your new life.





How about your friend? Is he happy if you take such a decision? I hope you are clear with his background and other situations.





Imagine, if you wouldn;t have met this guy before? What would have happend?





Okay, I am not still blaming you, because you may have other reasons too, but I hope you yourself is clear about all those.





For your luck, if your husband too is in the same situation, then I don;t think there is much complications. But how to know all those?





Are you clear about the situations of your friend, which made him to have strong feelings for you? How much certain you are about those factors and do you feel you have any control over those reasons? This is very important to foresee the things..!!!





I know you want a simple answer, but let me tell it finally. Before that let me ask if you have a way to have some change in life to know the severity, pls go and stay at a far distance with your good friend/ relative to have the feel of away from home and kids. A new place has lot of advantageous when it matters to the memories in our life.





For your satisfaction, I have only this short answer, but not feasible in this century for various ethical reasons. It is nothing but, selectively erasing one's brain cells that are holding unwanted memories. Imagine, if this is done, you will wake up like a new person and will feel your husband and kids like strangers. You can live very happily with your friend like a new bride.


Thanks.
You seem preoccupied with justifying your adulterous behavior to your husband.





';I don't know how else I can prove to him that this is not a phase.';





Basically, if you're going to stab your family in the back, what do you care how they feel about it?





Just stab. If his feelings and your integrity aren't worth living and working for, why does it concern you how he feels and how your integrity will appear later?





What you want is to have a righteous reason for divorcing your husband.





You'd love nothing more than to honestly be able to say ';He beat me! He raped me! He kept me locked in a spare bedroom!';





';He's evil!';





But he's not evil. He's probably a pretty decent guy. Annoying, yes. But a monster? No.





If he were a monster, he wouldn't be trying to save this marriage. He wouldn't be willing to forgive your adultery. And you wouldn't feel a moments regret about ending this marriage tomorrow.





I'm sorry my dear...but Y!Answers is no place to cover yourself in vainglory.





If you're going to hack this family apart, take credit for it. If you're going to rip your husband's heart out of his chest, be proud of it. And if you're going to cause irreversible damage to your children in the years to come, celebrate your wicked deeds.





Declare yourself the author (or at least co-author) of this bloody mess and make sure your new husband gets a full detailed account of your actions.





Good Luck!
you're so selfish you made me gag. I am all for divorce, I dont believe people should stay together for kids, but you're completely gross. you need to get a divorce because your husband deserves a person who isnt, well, a selfish slut. How dishonorable to cheat on your husband, you're running around with some guy who obviously does not respect you when you should've been spending time with your family. If he respected you, he wouldnt be having sex with you, you're a married woman. I absolutely encourage you to seek a divorce and to give your husband full custody, you obviously dont give a damn about setting a good example for your kids, or care enough about them to spend time or effort on them.