Need some advice: Isn't being pregnant supposed to be the most happy and exciting time in your life?

I am 5.5 months pregnant, and I don't really know where to start:


For the last 3 weeks, I have become more focused on my husbands relationship with the baby once it is born, and not my relationship with him or the baby, or all three of us. I think about what I will do to support my husband and the baby, working, paying the mortgage, and sometimes even about leaving him to do it on his own. (I hate myself for thinking about the last option, because how much of a bad mum does that make me sound wanting to leave the little baby that isn't even here yet!).


I think about the birth, and the baby being handed to my husband, and me not wanting anything to do with the baby, or rather pushing my husband and the baby away, so they bond together and I don't bond with the baby.





My husband has bought me down so much that I feel I am inadequate in every way. For example, I am accused of never mop the floor or take the garbage out. If I mow the lawn around the clothesline I am accused of doing a half job that he has to go and fix anyway, so why should I bother.


I used to love to cook before I fell pregnant, but he now accuses me of cooking terrible meals. I now hate cooking and he hasstronglyy suggested that he should do the cooking at night. (which would be great, but I am in bed about 9, and he usually finishes preparing dinner between 9-930)





My husband hasaccusedd me of not supporting him enough, but I didn't know I stopped supporting him and he hasn't told me how I should be doing this.


The weekends arrive and he wants to unwind and relax at the pub: it has become a rather boring place for me now, not drinking and my tolerance for ';happy'; drunks is waning.





I know that I have become less tolerant, emotional and scatter brain being pregnant, or a bit of a b*%^h, but I can't seem to get any support from my husband, who tells me I should ';take some cement and harden up';.





To top it all off, I have been overlooked for three promotions at work, I don't have any interests outside of work as I had to give up my passion of wine and love of hockey when I fell pregnant. I don't have many close girlfriends to turn to.





I don't want this to turn into a man bashing thing, even though it kinda sounds like it above, but I am hoping that you may have some strategies for coping with my emotions and pulling my self esteem back together. Maybe some of you have some stories you would like to share?





ThanksNeed some advice: Isn't being pregnant supposed to be the most happy and exciting time in your life?
I had loads of worries about how we'd cope, but if you feel it's really bad you could always try marriage counselling so that you both can talk honestly but away from your home - I do recommend counselling for big stuff like this, as you guys really need to be on the same page before your baby's born because those first few weeks are going to put enough strain on you both as it is, let alone if things are simmering away like this.





Either that, or write yourself a list of what you like and don't like about how he's treating or talking to you. Ask him to do the same (he may not be willing to) but at the very least it provides a starting point for a big discussion. It could simply be that you're both really nervous at the impending birth and the impact this will have on both of you and your relationship with each other. I've found my husband has had some kooky ideas on how things might be, and has needed some reassurance - I've needed reassurance from him, equally, and we're in a much better place now (good thing too - i'm due in a few weeks!).





So see how you go. Our hormones going nuts never helps either so try to keep calm when you talk to him, or rehearse what you're going to say first - or maybe write it down if this helps. Good luck.Need some advice: Isn't being pregnant supposed to be the most happy and exciting time in your life?
Any man who tells you to take some cement and harden up, is not worth it.. Whether he is your husband friend brother who ever he is..





And as for him putting you down at everything you do, you dont deserve this..





I personally wouldnt be putting up with this.. I wouldnt want my newborn to be around a person like that..





Sure i would let the dad see the baby, but i wouldnt live there..





But at the end of the day it is your choice! and only you can make the choice whether you stay and put up with this BS, or you move on and live a very happy life..





by the way congrats on your baby : )
I feel for you; we have this lovely idea that when we get pregnant we will be glowing and happy, running through fields of flowers without a care in the world - and (for me and it sounds like you too) it was absolutely nothing like that.





I had pre natal depression. I'm wondering if you might have that too. As soon as my husband realised I had pre natal depression, life a got a bit easier. It never went (during pregnancy), but the day my daughter was born, it just slipped away.





It sounds like your husband is struggling to be supportive to you during this time - to be fair, he will have no idea just what a significant difference hormones and anxiety make to your overall mood and life.





Speak to your midwife about your situation - there is help out there, but I found it didn't come to me, I had to find it - with the help of a supportive husband.
It sounds like both you and your husband are having problems dealing with the pregnancy - not that this baby isn't wanted, but that you are both overwhelmed with the changes you see coming, and you with the hormones and moodswings that come with pregnancy.





Perhaps you could sit down with your husband and tell him how you are feeling when you are in a calmer state (I'm 5 months pregnant with my 4th baby, so I know how rare that is!). Perhaps you could compromise on things like him only going to the pub some weekends, eating earlier and taking turns to cook. My family eat at 5pm, and I'm starving by then. I don't know how anyone, especially a pregnant woman could wait until 9pm! I don't think you should be doing yard work now either.





I know that pregnancy, especially first time pregnancy, can be truly awful. All that rubbish about it being happy and exciting puts a heap of pressure on us expectant mothers. Yes, there are moments where you are thrilled about the new arrival, but there are also moments where you are tired, emotional, in pain from your stretched ligaments, constipated, nauseous, scared and b**chy! It's normal. It's also normal to worry about bonding with your baby. Talk your concerns through with your midwife. They've heard it all before, and sometimes it helps if they talk to your husband rather than you, because they can stay calmer. I worried about everything with my first baby, but I would have walked through hot coals for her the minute she was born. Do you know the sex of your baby? For me, that was a huge bonding thing for all of my babies. I could focus on them as a person, and name them before they were born.





All the best with the rest of your pregnancy and sorting things out with your husband. Pregnancy is a time when you need heaps of support, and it doesn't sound like he's been expressing that well to you. Maybe him telling you he wants to do the cooking and lawn mowing is his way of trying to care for you now - but failing horribly in his attempt to express it. Only you know how best to handle things with him, but I can tell you honestly that I love my husband dearly, but when pregnant, I have been known to scream at him, throw things and pack my bags ready to walk out. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but I was so hormonal that even him pouring too much milk on the oatmeal he made me for breakfast caused a fight. How he put up with that I still don't know, but he did, and we've been together for 10 years. Big hugs and lots of luck to you!