How can I possibly decide between my husband and my boyfriend?

I got married 6 months ago after dating my husband for about 11 months. I have always fallen in love fast and hard, and my husband was no exception. I was absolutely dumbfounded by his intelligence, wit, kindness, and personality. Our goals were similar in that we both wanted to get married, further our education, have children, and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, I think I may have leapt into marriage a little prematurely. I was madly in love with my husband from the moment we met until about two months after we were married. Now I don't feel ';in love';, just that I do love him, care for him, want the best for him. He makes me happy, he allows me to be me, and he absolutely adores me. Before I am asked, no we aren't really having any marital problems; we aren't fighting, but we don't have sex very often - once every week or two - and I never feel fully satisfied because he doesn't ';finish';. This is a huge factor for me when it comes to sex, and we've done everything we could think of to try to help him overcome this issue to no avail. That's really our only marital snag. About 4 months ago, I met my boyfriend. We met through a girl friend of mine and clicked instantly: our attitudes are similar, our likes %26amp; dislikes mirror one another, and we enjoy hanging out and talking about random things, as friends do. He quickly became my best friend, and from there we both fell head over heels in love. My husband and I have an open marriage, in that we both sleep with partners outside the marriage with the consent of one another. My friend and I had sex without my husband's knowledge. It was absolutely amazing for both of us. I can honestly say that I have not had a lover that was more attentive, passionate, and satisfying than this man. My initial reaction to my feelings and my thoughts of our lovemaking was that I was infatuated and it would become a fling that would pass. Four months later, we are still in love. He is not pressuring me at all about my husband or my marriage, but I feel like I am failing him by being married. I can picture myself with this man now more clearly than I picture myself with my husband. We have discussed this, and we've discussed the possibility of a future together. My husband is a wonderful, loving, loyal man who sees me as his queen, his wife, and the love of his life. My boyfriend is a wonderful, loving, loyal man who sees me as his queen, his soulmate, and his one and only. I know that I am being extremely selfish here, but my mom always told me that before I can love and care for others, I must first love and take care of myself. I am not asking who I should choose here, I'm asking what you would do in this situation. I love my husband, I'm in love with my boyfriend. My husband is better for me emotionally, my boyfriend is better for me physically. At this point, my boyfriend and I are satisfied with where our relationship is, in that I'm not going to make a decision today, but I can't be torn for much longer, nor can I keep this from my husband for much longer, nor can I endure the pain my boyfriend is feeling for much longer. Please disregard my selfishness and maybe outline the ';pros and cons list'; that you would use. I'm really stuck here, and I need your help.How can I possibly decide between my husband and my boyfriend?
well it's nice to be treated like a queen by both of them.


i think if your husband is better for you emotionally you should stay with him.


i don't understand what you mean about him not 'finishing'.


do you mean he doesn't come?


or he's unable to get you to come?


sexual relationships are rarely so juicy so many years later, so if you choose your boyfriend for this reason you are likely to be disheartened in another year or so.


also the forbidden adds to the pleasure.


sex every week or two is not so bad for married couples.


why is this a secret from your husband if you have an open marriage?


i would tell your husband about it and keep enjoying the sexual connection.


why do you have to choose?


eventually you will have to choose. maybe your boyfriend will tire of being the unofficial guy. maybe your husband will feel uneasy about your great love for your boyfriend.


tell your husband the truth.


this may change things somewhat. not keeping a secret from your husband will strengthen your connection with him. not having a secret relationship, may change the connection with your boyfriend.


it's very possible that if you leave your husband and go with your boyfriend that the intensity you and your boyfriend have will decrease, as did the intensity with your husband after marriage.How can I possibly decide between my husband and my boyfriend?
not going to read that O. o you should of made into diffrent sections for easier scans.. and umm its your decision not ours..
i dont get why people have open marriages, you should be married to the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, so yeah pick.
Well, you're a serial dater, so this boyfriend of the moment will soon enough be replaced by another, as will the one after that. There will always be someone ';better'; in some way than your husband. At least until the next guy comes around. Whatever you do right now will only be temporary for you anyway.





You shouldn't be married. Ever.





By the way, your mother was wrong. Love is actively putting the other person first, not merely an emotion of ';being in love';. Love is what you get from another, by what THEY GIVE TO YOU actively, not merely being selfish.





I'm sorry for you.





Btw...the other man isn't a man of character at all. Sex with a married woman? And you REALLY think you're ';special'; to him??? You both act and treat others badly.
You know, relationships are not a game, and not like buying a car or a computer or a cellphone. When you buy one of these items, you know that sooner or later you'll get ';tired of it'; and want to ';trade it in'; for a newer, better model. But with a person--who is supposed to be your partner through everything--that is just wrong to behave that way.
I do not see what difference it makes, because you do not take any of your relationships very seriously anyway. As soon as someone else catches your eye you will be off to the races again, and absolutely sure that you are ';in love';. I cannot tell you what I would do in your shoes, because I cannot imagine ever finding myself in this situation. Good luck.
Well to be honest the love and infatuation you feel for your boyfriend COULD just be because you're not with him. Tell the husband? If you've got an open relationship it'll be easier than if you were a couple who was in a closed relationship.





Why don't you write a pro's and con's list yourself. Personally I believe emotional health is FAR more important that physical health - infact emotional and mental health often has a knock on affect with physical health.
First, open marriages are not really good for anyone. You sleep with other people and do not know if you end up with STD's or not and then if you got pregnant how the heck do you know who the father is before the child is to be born? What about your husband? If he got a woman pregnant would that not make you mad?





Second, marriage is about true honest love, caring, trust, honor, respect, communication, compassion, being there for one another (which by your description you are not doing that for him by keeping secrets), doing for one another, standing up for each other, FORSAKING ALL OTHERS KEEP ONLY TO YOUR SPOUSE, and work to keep it that way.





Third, you obviously did not learn what marriage is about. It sounds like you married to say that you can morally have sex. So what do you think you should do? I think you should stay with the man you married and quit having sex with other people in an open marriage, go get counseling, and learn to live marriage the right way.
i dont think people like you should legally be allowed to be married. It's not a game. I honestly think it would be better for you to just leave your husband and not get married again. Marriage seems to not be for you.
You don't need our help. You need to realize your mistake and do what makes you happy. It's a shame for people who swing like you do. It just causes problems like you are having. What's gonna happen with the newness wears off of your boyfriend and you find someone else?
Okay, before we get to the pros and cons, let me make sure I've got the situation straight. You jumped into marriage only six months into the relationship, and then the initial thrill started to fade. Flash forward just another five months or so, and you're in a new relationship that seems to have all the excitement your previous one's lost. You might claim that it feels totally different, but stepping back and looking at the situation objectively, you really don't see a pattern here?





Here's what I'd do in your situation: stop letting your impulses control you. Communicate with your husband about what's going on in your head, and slow things way down with the other guy. A few months is not enough time to definitively declare that what you're feeling is more than lust, especially when this has happened before. And just because you have permission to sleep around doesn't make going outside of whatever parameters you and the guy you made your vows to came up with together okay - and if you didn't talk through any, you really, really need to do that before this goes any further.
wow....where can i find a girl like you who will date me and let me sleep around!?!?!?
I have nothing much to add other than, you both have an open marriage and that's an open invitation to trouble in the marriage. Your husband should have expected this, just like you should expect him to do the same to you. I'm not shocked by it. The values of marriage don't include sleeping around on each other, even if the other partner consented to it.
Go with the boyfriend. Divorce your husband. That will free him up to find a better wife and have a happy life.

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