Help I am so confused :(?

I have been married for 17 years to a man that I never felt super attracted to. I remember wishing I felt for him because he was a '; good '; man. I finally convinced myself , yes it must be love. We got married and have 3 children. 12. 11, and 3. Over the first 10 years there were good times but there were also alot of bad ones. He was emotionally abusive and in a foul mood most of the time. I thought having children would fill that hole in my heart that he put there. Finally I told him I had enough and he moved out 4 1/2 yrs ago. He came back so humble begging for me to take him back and that he would get help. He did and was diagnosed with depression. He takes meds for it and the first 2 yrs were great .. alittle slipping back to his old ways but not really bad. For the last 2 years we have fallen into living like roomates, he stopped taking care of himself. Looking very grubby. I have begged him to clean himself up and try harder. I have told him this is not normal to live this way. I am only 38 and crave to feel like a woman. He has also slipped a few times with the emotional abuse. An example would be that , I was faced with putting our dog to sleep and asked him to help me that it was so hard and he said '; You wanted the dog, made your bed now lay in it '; That is the stuff I hear occasionally and it HURTS. Finally after much attempt to get him to understand I feel like my feelings have changed and I did something some would consider very bad. I had an affair and am still having it. I realized I was craving that emotional connection. The man I met is wonderful. Its been going on for 6 months , he says he loves me too. The hard thing is he has 3 kids , not alot of money and lives 2 hrs away. Love goes where its sent and I feel so close to him emotionally , he has become my best friend and lover at the same time. He did the right thing and immediately ended his disfunctional marriage when he met me. Said he couldnt live the lie and that I have shown him possiblities . That he knows what he wants and knows happiness is out there whether it was with me or someone else. I have not told my husband about him but I have told him my feelings changed . He has tried everything he could to be perfect for me and to make me love him. The right thing would be for me to be able to love him but the resentment and lack of physical attraction makes me feel nothing as a husband but I love him like a brother or friend. He moved out since his begging has not worked. The kids are so sad as the news is fresh in their mind. I am sick with guilt and confusion. In 6 months I feel more for the man I have met than I have ever felt for my husband but now I am overcome by pitty for him.. maybe confusing it with love. How could I ever throw away someone like '; my friend '; who makes me feel so alive to try '; again '; with my husband ? He is like a child a bit simple minded at times needing guidence and needing me to take care of him. Its almost like pop a pill and let the good times roll but forget one and he makes us suffer. Not often but to much. It makes me sad. He is now so pittaful begging constantly trying everything.. If I go back How can I leave behind something so beautiful. Yes its new but what if it did stay good ? Better than the emotional rollercoaster I have been living . Thanks so much I feel like I am running in circles. I am very easily influenced. I felt good at my decision until the begging started.. now hes all cleaned up.. trying I mean everything. Why does it take this after I have already falling in love with someone else to make him wake up ? He knows nothing about the other man.. I will not tell him because I dont trust that he would tell the kids and make me look like the bad one.. but dont forget what I lived which made me starve for this kind of attention . Help any opion is appreciatedHelp I am so confused :(?
It's your life but it seems like you are in a pit. If he still hurts your feelings and he really isn't like a husband I say you divorce him. Such a powerful word, though, it is not working out very well and it's a toxic relationship. He will find out one day and I figure you would rather divorce him then has him find out that you are having an affair; I am sincerely sorry to hear this. You should break up with the guy you have been seeing, or divorce your brother-like-husband.





I'm a bit confused, I don't know if you are still with your husband or not, if you are not then I advise you not to go back with him.





Sorry if this wasn't any help...


Logan. :-)Help I am so confused :(?
Too long.
holy crap that is to long y would u tell everyone ur life story
oh, where was i....i fell asleep
i think you have the right to live a happy love full of love and passion you love your husband because you lived with him so many years and you have children together but this is not love in means of passion and love it is just appreciation i do understand that you feel that he needs you due to his problem with depression but you can't let yourself go back in those confusing for you moments you deserve to live a happy life without being emotionally abused...i think you should talk to your husband tell him that you will always love him and be there for him but you can't live like that explain him what you felt so many years and talk to your children tell them that mom and dad will always be there for them...just trie to listen to your heart...this is your life start living it...hope i helped you dear
Well, first off you already have three kids, you shouldn't have to take care of a grown up too. He should know that he pushed you to this. You have to be strong for you and your children, it might hurt them but it will hurt them even more that you put them through all this for nothing if you stay with him. I guarantee you that they see how unhappy you are and are suffering too. If you love a new man get a divorce and be there for him as a friend but move on with your life, he is just playing games because he knows that every time, you will be there to clean up his messes. You should introduce the new man to your children and tell them that you are in love with him but no matter what you will never let them see you as unhappy as you were before. You have to do anything you can t help them with the transition. I would give it some space at first with the new guy while you figure things out but if you do decide to leave your husband it would be for the best for you and your family.
ok, first i would say that yes what you did WAS very wrong. I think that you need to at least consider to go to marriage counceling. that would be the best option i feel.. you would be able to open up and tell how you feel and find out how he feels too.. idk really this is a hard one because you really screwed it up when you had the affair. i guess thats all i know to tell you; but you should tell your husband the truth..
It sounds to me like you were never really in love with him, and although you have had an affair, you've also realized that real love is out there and you've found it in the man you had an affair with. You should divorce your husband, you should not live through the stress he puts you through. You should let your children know, they will be upset but things happen for a reason! Don't lose the man you love, letting your husband go could let you start a new life. Good luck!
You are no longer emotionally connected to the father of your children, you want to experience what other women have and what you once knew. The separation didn't work, the medication didn't work, your husband has no interest in changing the way things are.





Here's is what you should do, Drop the affair until your are free emotionally and legally to commit to a new partner, the children will blame you if they find out, if he is married he's out of your picture period. Most affairs begin the way yours has, with a vulnerable person seeking what has been missing in their life, and almost all married men in an affair are preying on your need for closeness. There is but a tiny percentage of men who will leave the wife and kids for the mistress.





Get out, stand up and get it together, then and only then, find a partner that will help you be happy. You can not commit yourself to a person until you are one.
get out now! tell him you care about him very much but the marraige is over... he has some very serious psychological issues he needs to work on and you can't play Jesus and save him....he's a sinking ship and he's taking you down with him. you can't save him he'll have to save himself.





if the other guy makes you happy stick will him, but please in the future don't cheat again, you have been trying to make this work for far too long and he will just get worse... he needs help and so do you, I would suggest telling him he's a good man and a good father and you want him in his kids life, but you guys need to end this marriage. because he's not right for you and there is somebody else that's right for him out there... hell if he agrees to go to counseling and tries to get better tell him you'll hook him up with one of your lady friends :)








just tell him the truth, you love him, he has hurt you, and your not in love with him anymore.
ok i read your whole thing.. supprisingly lol.. jk.. well i am quite younger then you but honestly this is all i have to say,





we live our life once, and only once,


we regret things that we dont go through with and always wonder.. what if?


it seems to me like you have tried many times with your husband, the begining the years you spent together, and now in the end. and it never seems to make you happy.. maybe you have had good moment in the pass but wipe those out of your mind, and thing about the bad.





pro's and cons.


it looks to me like he makes you more sad then happy. and even though this new guy is recent. who knows maybe you guys can love eachother and become a family.


i say tell your husband youve lost love, you want to be friend but nothing more.





be there to help him out, but dont let him not forfil your life,


have fun, you love this new guy. you like him





then go for it!


whats there to loose
love conquers all.





follow your heart.


every woman wants to feel loved and thats all they want out of life.


if you arent getting it with your husband.


then you need to change that.
First off your in a big mess.


You should of never married this guy in the first place. I'm sorry for your kids and all but maybe you and your husband should consider counseling. And if that doesn't work then i suggest that you start new and divorce your husband you have to learn not to live with remorse. If you truly love your lover then i say go for it but you have to make sure he loves you back and figure out together how you guys are going to make this work. You have to lay out the law and tell your husband how you feel. Say you want a divorce becuase you are not happy. But don't tell him that you have found someone new that will only worsen the situation it is the worst thing in the world to tell him that while in a situation like that. Just please don't tell him about your lover that will only cause more problems.
It is not your job for him to get better.


No offense but he's using you.


He knows that you'll put up with him no matter what he does and so far he's right.


I know it's hard but maybe it's time to let him go and let hiom grow up, and for you to get on with your life. It will be hard for your kids but It's hard for them now. Am I right.


Think about it