Other woman and heartbroken?

am a married woman who had an affair with a married man. I know it was wrong, but i really fell for this man. I met this man five years ago and we had an affair for around three months. I fell hard for this man. He was seperated from his wife, then went back to her. THree years later we met up again and started an affair again, again he seperated from his wife. This time though he told me how much he loved me, he acted like he couldnt get enough of me. He told me it was completly over with his wife. The lovemaking was incredible. I have never been with a man who can make love like him. I was so into him. I felt bad about cheating on my husband but i couldnt let go of this other man. Anyway, all this time he was working at going back to his wife. Eventaully he went back to his wife and he dumped me like a hot potato. He wrote to me later and told me how he regretted every moment with me, and how he had never stopped loving his wife. He said he couldnt believe how much he hurted his wife and that he is still now figthing so hard to win back her love and trust. I have a friend who actually knows his wife and I am disgusted to hear how much he treats his wife like a queen. How he is doing everything she says to win her love back. My husband found out too because his wife called and told him. Thank god men dont like to hear too many details. I am trying to work on my marriage now, but it is hard because i dont desire and love my husband like i did this other man. This other man said he loved me and wanted me always. We talked for hours!! How can he now say it meant nothing to him? How can he now act like I was just a whore available to him while he was without his wife? How could he have said and talked to me about everything and it not be true? I am so angry! I know I am the Other woman and people will say I deserve what I got, but I really, really loved this man. I hear that his wife is very angry with him and still has not forgiven him, yet he keeps begging and doing everything she wants. I thought he went back to her becasue of their kids, but when I hear about how much he tells everyone how sorry he is for what he did and how much he loves her, it makes me crazy. I loved this man, and I am heartbroken.


I want you to ask your callers, why do married men tell their mistresses how much they love them when its not true!! Why did he seem to share his heart with me and tell me we were soulmates when now all he wants is his wife. I am so angry!! I know I was wrong too...But i fell in love, thats why I did what I did, but why did he have to lie to me? Why?Other woman and heartbroken?
I know your hurting, and I'm trying to be understanding, but are you that stupid that you think he would lie to his wife, but is going to be completely honest with you?





Yes, he used you, and yes, it hurts like Hell. You know what else? As soon as he wins his wife back, and he knows he's got her exactly where he wants her, guess who you will be getting phone call from?





This man has screwed you over TWICE.





Please go see a therapist/counselor to help you to understand why you are so obsessed with a man who will treat you like crap, when there is a man in your very own home who loves you enough to forgive you for doing the unthinkable!Other woman and heartbroken?
This former wayward husbands did fall for the ';other woman'; at one time. I told her what I felt, what I was thinking, yada, yada, yada.





At the time I did mean it, and was ready to leave the wife.


But when it came right down to the wire, could not leave the wife and kids.





Did I LOVE my wife at the time, can't say I did, but I knew I did not do right by my wife at all. I had avoided telling her all the issues I was having. It was SO MUCH easier to yap to the ';other woman'; simply because I did not have to live with her.





So year after year, we kept just building more and more point with each other. How could the wife EVER compete with that?





It will take a while and some FOCUSED effort from your husband for you to start having feelings for him again. Like your ';other man'; you have deigned your H the chance to fill your needs. ( I know you won't buy this now, but you will in time)





So why is he trying to patch things up with his wife:





Guilt


A sense of duty to his family


He thinks he can do better this time around


He was surprised to find out she still wanted him (bet he said when he spilled the beans, that she would leave instead of fight for him.)








Will his marriage last? Maybe, depends on who they get for help and what skills they can learn.





For you, I have a reading assignment:





Surviving the Affair


Love Busters


His Her Needs





You will learn why you BOTH were vulnerable to this non sense. You will learn some skills that will help you understand how to make things work with your H and be HAPPY!!!!!





It can happen! There really is hope.
Your a fukkking whore!
I am afraid you picked a loser. You chose to go on with the affair, which is high risk behaviour. Were you not thinking about the possible outcomes? I am not saying you got what you deserve, that would be unkind. I am saying that its like riding in a rodeo and not thinking ';I might fall off here';. Affairs are high risk and you risked and you fell off.


Please, please take some time out and learn what you need to learn from this. If you get involved with someone who is lying to his partner about you, then they will lie about you too.


Falling in love is wild and exciting.... if both of you are free to be together. Falling in love with someone who is not available...is a bad idea. You have got a long road ahead of you, best of luck.
men don't like to be without a woman ever! and we women believe everything a man we think we love tells us, they know how to play the game and tell us everything we need to hear to get some love, I believe you when u say u are in love with this man, we can't help who we fall in love with! this man will lose everything to his wife if he divorces her, so he's trying to save his @ss! Most men are jerks, next time ur lonely, hang out with your best girlfriends stay away from being hurt! I have been there done that!
Men tell you what you want to hear. get over him, he was using, you was his counsel, sex partner,and fool for been in love with a jerk, when you know you have a husband. Girl do the same with your husband,get your relationship repaired. You need to ask God for his forgiveness.I hope you learned a valuable lesson. Your husband is hurt, wonder is the shoe was on the other foot.
He deceived two women and hurt them both with his lies. Who knows what was in his mind. But I can tell you that you shouldnt go near him again and forget all about him. Maybe you should now look at your own marriage and work out what you want. If you dont love or desire your husband it is only fair that you give him a chance to find this with someone else and you move on.
re: why did he have to lie to me? Why?


.........he is not the problem...........your own LOW self worth and poor self respect is the problem..........get to work on improving your own self esteem!
you were not in love, You were in lust. And you should try talking to your husband for hours. this other guy should have dropped you like a potato. You both are homewreckers and should not get any special treatment....
If there are children involved, just forget about all this affair stuff.





The day he decided to have kids with his wife and the day you decided to have kids with your husband is the day you decided to put your desires, needs and wants second to the children.





I know if you are not getting fulfilled in your marriage then it can be tough to get through every day.





Try reading these books by Dr. Laura called,





';The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage'; and ';The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.';
He lied because he wanted his way with you. Which he got. This guy is a lieing bastard. He's lied to his wife and you, and he treats you both like sh!t - make no mistake about it. Cheating on his wife is NOT treating her like a queen.





Is your husband still with you? Focus on him. He's the one that really loves you.
';How can he now act like I was just a whore available to him while he was without his wife?';





Because you WERE his whore you dumb cheating selfish tramp! Now you're basically just keeping your second place husband around so you're not lonely. You need to go be by yourself and learn some self-respect and let your husband go find someone that doesn't treat him like a loser.
One reason people have affairs is because it is all fantasy, no responsibilities, no bills to pay, no sick kids, just fun and sex. He could be who-ever he wanted around you, he has to be a father and husband at home. Along with the fantasy comes lies. He had to lie to you to keep you around. It is too bad you fell in love with him, he played you for a fool. You also were getting from him what you were not getting at home. The sex is exciting in an affair, kind of like forbidden fruit. He loves his wife and didn't leave her to be with you, that is the truth of the matter. See it for what it is, you both used each other and you got emotionally involved. Also, if he did leave his wife to be with you, he would have cheated on you also. So you really haven't lost anything in losing him, but you lost your dignity.
Uh, I think this guy should put a restraining order against you. You are one psycho sl*t. Seek some personal counseling cuz you got used.
why did he have to lie to me? to get you into bed easily.
This man was capable of lying to his wife, so why are you surprised that he lied to you to keep the game going? Something was missing within him, he had problems, he was looking for an ego boost and made selfish choices. This was about HIM, the feelings of you and even his wife were not his biggest priority. I'll lay odds that while separated, he was after his wife all along. That is if he ever really was separated to begin with.





How can you work on your marriage when you hang on to this fantasy relationship. Sure, it had an element that your marriage didn't, it was new and forbidden.





It takes so much energy to keep up this secret life and betrayal.





Some wayward spouses just don't allow themselves to even consider really losing their spouse. Sounds like his wife found out and he was looking at losing her for good, then realized that he didn't want to lose her, maybe never really did want out. He sent you a classic 'no contact' letter to show his wife that he ended the affair. He has lots of work to do to rebuild his marriage and that will mean living under the microscope to show her that he is doing the right thing, since for so long he betrayed her trust. She is his wife, so why do you resent her? She didn't do anything to you. She is the one who was really betrayed, as she is the one he made promises and vows with.





Some men DO ask for details.





This married man did this to you once, and you allowed him back. Big surprise he did it again. He showed himself to be dishonest already.





Hopefully, he has finally learned what he really wants and is committing to really healing his marriage.





Your husband would be so hurt if he read this and saw your words comparing him and this other man. Get real, the fantasy is over. The other man didn't have to meet all your needs, as you had a husband at home doing for you also.


He didn't desire you always, he lied to you, he went home to his wife. Reality hon. Your heartbroken over a man who wasn't who you thought he was.





Time to come out of the fog of this fantasy. He dumped you, he lied to you, he used you. He choose his wife who is struggling to trust and rebuild a relationship with the man who broke her heart also, in a much bigger way than yours as he was her husband. Of coarse she is angry and hurt, he betrayed her in a very intimate way. It takes time to recover and he will have to really work to help her through this if he wants his marriage. No quick fix for most, trust takes a long time to rebuild. He is doing what is necessary to heal his marriage from the terrible choices he made with his self indulgent behavior.





So, the answer is simple, they lie to the spouse, they also lie to the mistress. It's all part of the cake eaters game. How could he share his 'heart' with you when he was not being truthful? He still wanted his wife.





Wake up and be thankful that he is out of your life. Be thankful that your husband is willing to even try to rebuild your marriage as you hurt him terribly.





Go to an ';other woman'; site and you will hear this story over and over again (TOW).





Resources


A few good books:


';Not Just Friends'; by S. Glass


“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley


“After the Affair” by Springs





A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTal…





A few other helpful sites:


http://www.dearpeggy.com/


http://marriagebuilders.com/


http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/


http://www.beyondaffairs.com/


http://peterfox.com.au/index.html





A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.


http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/





http://survivinginfidelity.com/


This board has a section for the former wayward spouse looking to rebuild.





An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:


http://www.aftertheaffair.net/





Some marriage weekend programs:


http://www.retrouvaille.org/


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/…





A good book about meeting each other's emotional needs:





';Fall in Love, Stay in Love'; by W. Harley


or


';His Needs, Her Needs'; by W. Harley


';The Five Love Languages'; by Chapman
HES MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN and f*cking you, why is him lying suprise you?





people are so stupid sometimes.
Basically, he's treating you as though you were his whore now, because that's how he saw you then. There were probably moments of sincerity, but the affair was all about building up his ego and self esteem. You just fell for his bait. Men who really want to be divorced, get divorced. This is exactly what happens when you have an affair.
Their marriage won't last...I can assure you.





And it doesn't sound as though yours will either.





You need to get out of your marriage...obviously. Affairs are usually never based on trust/truth. (And I know from experience)





But to answer your questions, he was lying to his wife...it makes sense he lied to you.





End of story.